He put his foot out to stop me.
I rolled my eyes and turned away. He followed me into the room and began talking again, so I moved over to the little kitchenette in the corner of the dorm room and turned on the tap.
“Sorry,” I said. “Can’t hear you, the water’s running.”
I didn’t actually want to waste the water, so I shoved a jug under the tap. Maybe I could find some thirsty plants later or something.
Suddenly, he was a warm weight behind me, enveloping me. His scent surrounded me, and I felt dizzy. His hand closed over mine and shut off the faucet.
“Can you just listen to me?” he said, voice rumbling in my ear. I felt the vibration right through my body.
I hated this. I hated being angry with him, being apart from him, but I didn’t know how to get past it. How could I get past that deep hurt, the sense of betrayal? All I wanted to do was sink back into his arms, but I knew that wouldn’t get rid of that gnawing in the pit of my stomach that I felt every time I thought of him. Of him and her.
“Do I have a choice?” I asked, through gritted teeth.
“Of course,” he said, stepping back.
I almost stumbled when he moved away, as if my body was magnetically drawn toward him.
I set aside the jug of water and went to sit down on the sofa.
“Fine. Say what you need to say and then leave.”
He sighed, then pulled over a chair to sit opposite me. He leaned toward me, his elbows on his knees. “I want you to use me.”
“Um,” I said. “What?”
“If she can use our bond to get to me, why can’t we use it to get to her?”
“Um,” I said again.
It felt as if my brain was malfunctioning. I couldn’t grasp what in the world he might mean. I stared at him helplessly.
“We need a way to convince her to do the ritual,” he said. He shifted in his seat, trying to think of a way to explain his thought process to me. “Do you remember when we first completed the bond, how there were no walls between us at all. It was as if we were one being – I knew all of you and you knew all of me?”
I took a deep breath. “You want to do that with her? To convince her to do the ritual?”
He almost looked as if I’d slapped him. “No! No, Lucy, of course I don’t want that.”
I nodded. “Right. Of course you don’t. But you’ll do it for the good of the world. I get it. Well, I don’t see why you need to tell me about it.”
I moved to stand up. I wasn’t sure if I was about to cry or scream or what, but I knew I needed to put some space between the two of us. He caught me by the arm, pulling me back onto the sofa. He took the seat beside me, getting all up in my business so I couldn’t move away.
“Can you just listen to me for a moment? I don’t want anything with her, anything at all. I want it with you. If you use our bond to sort of… invade her psyche, then you might be able to find something to convince her to do the ritual. I would only be a bridge between the two of you.”
I stared at him for a moment. His face was so close, I could see the shadow that his eyelashes made on his cheek.
I closed my eyes. I needed to think without distraction.
When it came down to it, I had no better ideas.
“Fine,” I said. “How should we do this?”
I was surprised when he didn’t pull away. He took me by the hands, lacing our fingers together.
“Open your mind to me,” he said.
Once, it had been so easy. It had been almost impossible to close my mind from him, but the walls we’d built up over time seemed normal now. Some of the walls had been necessary, but others were defensive. They’d sprung up through hurt and anger. Those were the hardest to knock down.