Page 65 of Love in Focus

Celeste tightens her grip on the camera, thinking of her own parents and how Korea has also yet to legalize same-sex marriage.

“We’d already been together for about forty years when we got legally married here, in SF,” Nat says with a laugh. “But it was nice to finally have that slip of paper. Our kids got a real kick out of it, since they got marriage certificates of their own around the same time.”

She and Keiko share a smile, and Celeste captures the moment with her camera.

When Gemma asks about their biggest challenges, Keiko answers, “Living far away from home was always the most difficult thing for me. My parents, my brothers, and my cousins… they all eventually accepted my relationship with Nat. But by then, I already had a life that I didn’t want to leave here. I don’t regret my choices, but Iwish I could have spent more time with my family while they were still alive.”

Tears fall from Keiko’s eyes, and Celeste thinks about the last several years of her own life. She can somewhat relate to Keiko, since, after a childhood of constantly being told something was wrong with her, she’d thought she could just never look back after moving to the US. But she still gets a pang of homesickness whenever she leaves Korea and lands back in LAX. She misses her family and wishes she could see Min-joon and the rest of her friends in Seoul more often.

In an ideal world, she could live the life she wantsandbe accepted by her family back home. But of course, that world doesn’t exist, and it probably won’t for a long time.

Her eyes glistening in the light, Nat squeezes Keiko’s hand. “She gave up so much to be here with me. And I’m grateful for it, every day.”

“That’s so sweet,” Gemma says. She wipes her tears away before asking the next question. “Have there been any changes within your relationship throughout the years?”

“Our lives are definitely different now,” Nat replies. “I mean, we havegrandkids. It still blows my mind whenever I think about it. But our relationship, itself? Not really.”

Keiko nods. “We’ve both changed plenty throughout the decades, and we keep experiencing new things every year. But our love has remained constant, the anchor that has gotten us through all of life’s challenges.”

Nat nods. “Couldn’t have said it better myself.”

Is that why Celeste has felt so unmoored all her life, going from parents who never fully accepted her to countlessdifferent lovers, some of whose faces and names she’s already forgotten? Her vision blurs, and she slowly exhales.

Finally, Gemma asks the question she’s asked every couple, the final question of this entire project. “How do you define love?”

Celeste braces herself.

“Breathing,” Keiko says, looking into Nat’s eyes.

“Living,” Nat replies. “I can’t imagine life without my wife.”

Keiko and Nat stare lovingly at each other, and Celeste can’t take it anymore. She sets her camera down on the table beside her.

Gemma shoots her a concerned look. “Celeste?” she says. “Are you okay?”

Unable to verbalize the whirlwind of thoughts and feelings inside her head, Celeste meets Gemma’s gaze and backs away.

For the first time in years, the future she wants for herself is so clear. So obvious, to the point of being right in front of her very eyes.

She wants to spend the rest of her life with Gemma. She wants to marry her and have kids with her and grow old with her, laughing and crying together for decades on end like the two women sitting on the couch. Even the slightest possibility of not being able to have that future becomes an unbearable weight.

“Sorry,” she says to no one and to everyone. “I have to go.”

Then, before anyone can stop her, Celeste bolts out of the studio.

After apologizing and saying goodbye to a startled and confused Keiko and Nat, I set off to find Celeste. It takes me a while, but I eventually find her in the restroom of a nearby bar, thanks to a server who saw her run full speed past him.

At first, I’m confused as to why Celeste ran inhereout of all places. But then, over the deafeningly loud music being blasted from the speakers, I hear the faintest sob.

My chest aches. She must have come here in the hopes that the music would drown out the sound of her crying.

“Celeste?” I say, practically yelling to be heard over the screaming guitars.

I knock on the stall door as gently as I can.

The crying stops. Seconds pass. I’m afraid Celeste is going to leave me out here, awkwardly standing in the middle of the restroom, when there’s a barely audible click.Celeste slowly opens the door, rendering me speechless. Her usually perfect makeup is smeared all over, with eyeliner and mascara running down her face.

I’ve never seen her like this, not even while we were together in college.

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