Page 68 of Love in Focus

“Yes, you, Gemma,” Evelyn says with a scoff. “Believe me, I’m far too old for that job. I was looking up retirement homes in San Diego this morning.”

“You’re retiring?” Panic fills my heart once more at the thought of her leaving.

She waves me off. “In the near future, yes, but you’re missing the point, Gemma dear! Honestly, we should have given you a promotion years ago, but we simply couldn’t afford it because of all the revenue issues we have at this office. But the New York one, however…”

“They have more money,” I say.

“And more opportunities for advancement. In any case, think about it. And if you’re interested in applying for that position, I’ll be more than happy to give them my recommendation.”

My heart races. On one hand, this new job sounds like a dream come true. And especially after everything that happened to me in San Francisco in the last year or so, I feel ready to move to a new place. But at the same time, a part of me wonders if everything will betoonew. I’m not twenty-two anymore. I’m turning thirty in less than a month.

And like SF, NYC isn’t cheap. But at least I’m familiar with San Francisco, and California in general, while I’ve never even been to the East Coast. Everything I’ve ever known has been in the West Coast, from my family to my friends.

“Thank you,” I say at last. “I’ll think about it.”

In the end, I decide not to apply for the position, a choice that’s cemented in my mind when, in the beginning of March, my friends rent out a whole karaoke cable car for my thirtieth birthday.

Although cable cars are relatively common in the city, I almost never ride them. I last took one when I first slept over at Celeste’s place in Nob Hill. And before that, the only other time was when James and I rode in the back of the Powell Street trolley to Fisherman’s Wharf, hugging each other as the bright red cable car sped down the hills.

Tonight, my friends and I get on what is more of a motorized trolley on wheels. So it’s technically not an actual cable car,butit more than makes up for the discrepancy with its built-in open bar and karaoke system.

“We thought it’d be a shame if we let this milestone birthday pass without doing something super fun,” Kiarasays as we settle into our seats. “Plus, your birthday is on a Friday this year, so obviously, we had to go all out!”

“Happy birthday, Gemma!” Val exclaims as the car starts moving.

Kiara joins in, and we all tightly hug each other.

“Thanks, guys,” I say. “This is amazing. Literally the best birthday present ever.”

We say cheers and down our first round of drinks.

As the car rolls through the streets, we raise our drinks and belt out Chappell Roan songs, as well as hits that were popular while we were in college, like Taylor Swift’s “Blank Space” and Adele’s “Hello.” My friends thankfully don’t judge me when I cry through most of the songs, although they do exchange concerned glances when I sing “Casual” a bit too passionately.

When the last notes fade away, Val pauses the music before it can start our next round of songs.

“So,” she says. “Do you want to talk about it?”

She doesn’t need to clarify what “it” is.

“It’s obvious, isn’t it?” I say with a laugh that sounds sad and pathetic even to my own ears. “I caught feelings. But in my defense, I’m pretty sure Celeste did, too. I doubt things were casual for her, either. She told me she loves me.”

Val winces, and Kiara frowns.

“But then why isn’t she here with you?” Val asks. “If she loves you, too, I mean.”

I sigh and down my flute of champagne. “She was too afraid to try again, given our history. And honestly, I don’t blame her. She went through a lot in the past eight years. Alot more than I did. Also, when she asked me when was the last time I wassinglesingle for an extended amount of time, I couldn’t give her an answer. EvenIwas spooked by that.”

Val crosses her arms over her chest in a contemplative gesture. “Oh, yeah. I can’t remember a time when you were completely single, either. Very briefly after you split up from James, maybe. But even that didn’t last long. And James wasn’t your first boyfriend, right? Even though Celeste was your first girlfriend.”

I nod. “I dated a few more guys before I met her, when I still thought I was straight.”

Kiara pats me on the back. “Then maybe it’s good you’re taking a break from dating!” With a guilty look, she adds, “Sorry for pushing you to start dating again so soon after your breakup with James. I thought it would help.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry, too,” Val adds. “For whatever part I played in this.”

I shake my head. “It’s not either of your faults. This is a personal issue of mine that’s been going on way before I even met you guys. I just never realized it until now. I signed up for therapy this week. In the spirit of turning thirty.”

Val lifts her glass up. “Hey, good for you! Take charge of that mental health.”

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