Page 73 of Love in Focus

Surprisingly, the most challenging thing about the move is getting a car, which I need right away since my new office is on the opposite side of town from our house. I have to rely on my parents and rideshare apps for the first few weeks, but we finally manage to get a good deal on a used car thanks to a family friend from church. And I still remember how to drive. Somewhat. Obviously, I need a lot of practice to get completely used to maneuvering a car again, but thankfully I can take local roads to get to work.

The Irvine office is slightly bigger than the one in San Francisco and is located in a bungalow built in the typical Southern Californian orange roof and white exterior Spanish villa style, rather than being in an office building in the middle of a city. The staff is bigger, too, covering events, lifestyle, real estate, and entertainment in not just Orange County but also the greater Los Angeles area.

It’s my first time fully working with a team to create multimedia content, rather than just writing assignments on my own. It’s invigorating and challenging, all at once, and I often find myself working longer, later hours than I ever did in San Francisco because of all the new skills I have to learn on the go. There’s a steep learning curve, but I enjoy everything even more than I thought I would.

If I’m being totally honest, though, the best part of my new job is not the work itself. It’s the fact that I have higher pay and better health insurance. Which is great because boy, do therapy bills add up, especially when you have a lot to work on like I do.

In November, six months after I moved back in withmy parents, I get a studio apartment for myself in a nearby city that has cheaper rent than Irvine. Even a tiny studio of my own seems like a big upgrade after all the places I’ve lived in the past year or so. It’s my first time having my own place, without any parents, lovers, or roommates…ever. And that makes me so happy I don’t know what to do with myself.

I manage to get very affordable pieces of furniture from Ikea, even finding a small orange sofa to put at the foot of my bed, in honor of Clementine. As great as Clementine was, this is one couch I hope I’ll never have to sleep on.

When I’m finally all moved in, I sit on my bed and take a few quiet deep breaths. Somehow, I made it. I made it out of San Francisco and finally have my own place to call home.

I’m all by myself, but for the first time ever, I’m okay with it. Or at least, I think I’m starting to be.

When her agent sends her the first roundup of available jobs in the area for the new year, Celeste doesn’t expect to see Gemma’s name attached to one of them. But there she is, clear as day, the lead journalist on a project that’s vaguely reminiscent of “Modern Love in Focus.”

Intrigued, Celeste clicks through to read the description. Unlike the project Celeste worked on with Gemma, this newly proposed one focuses on younger couples and is purely visual media based. And instead of interviewing many different people, it follows two couples over the course of a year, revisiting with them every six months to see how they change—if at all. It’s an ambitious project, and one that sounds very cool at that. Celeste feels a rush of pride that Gemma is at the helm of it.

From watching Gemma’s Instagram Stories—a guilty pleasure of hers that, to her therapist’s chagrin, she couldnever get rid of no matter how hard she tried—she knows that Gemma relocated to SoCal at some point. She just doesn’t know where and why.

Without logging in, Celeste surreptitiously looks at Gemma’s thankfully public LinkedIn profile. It says Gemma relocated to Citrine’s office in Irvine as a multimedia journalist in May, so eight months ago. A promotion, maybe. But the fact that she suddenly moved toIrvine, where her parents live, of all places, concerns Celeste.

Did something happen with her family?Celeste reaches for her phone… and then stops herself. Aside from wishing each other a happy birthday, Celeste to Gemma in March and Gemma to Celeste in June, they haven’t interacted with each other at all in the past several months.

A year is nothing compared to the eight they previously spent apart, but for some reason, this period of time has felt a lot longer for Celeste, and somehow more excruciating. It’d gotten to the point that she had to resume therapy, which she’d previously quit a couple of years ago, so she could have someone—other than Min-joon, who has his own drama to deal with these days—to help sort out her thoughts and feelings after what happened between her and Gemma.

Unsurprisingly, her therapist, who for years has beenappalledby her absolute refusal to engage in romantic relationships, is in good spirits when Celeste updates her about Gemma.

“Maybe you should consider reaching out to her,” Dr. Espinosa cheerfully suggests. “Properly this time. If only to check in on her to make sure she’s okay. Throw the ball inher court. If she chooses to engage with you, then great. If not, that’s great, too. It’ll be a sign for you to respectfully move on.”

Celeste can’t resist joking, “Or I couldnottalk to her and be forever alone.”

Her therapist sighs. “Or that. And if that’s genuinely what you want, I’d be all for it! I have clients who are aromantic or asexual, and there’s nothing wrong with identifying as such. But, Celeste, we both know you’re not one of them. I’m not encouraging you to jump into a relationship with your ex. By all means, pleasedon’t. However, I feel like it’ll be good for you to just catch up with Gemma, if she’s up for it. She seems special to you in a way that no one else ever was, to the point that you haven’t been able to move on from her for almost ten years.”

“Ten?” Celeste balks, sitting up from her seat.

“Right.” Dr. Espinosa checks her notes. “Well, it’s more like a little over nine, since it’s January, and it was December when you first left Gemma. But I’m rounding up in the spirit of the New Year. And it might get to ten if you let things stay the same from now until December.”

Celeste adds “the relentless passage of time” to her list of discussion topics for their next session.

“You deserve happiness, Celeste,” her therapist says, firmly but gently. “I know it’s scary to go for the things you want, especially after you’ve grown up in environments that tell you that you don’t deserve to live the life you want to live. But isn’t it better to be scared and take a shot at happiness, instead of avoiding it all the time?”

Back home at her desk, Celeste stares at the project listing again. After how things ended between them—and how she disappeared from Gemma’s life, once again—Celeste has no idea if Gemma even wants to hear from her again. But there’s no harm in just talking to her and seeing how she’s doing, is there? Especially if somethingdidhappen to her and her family?

Thinking back to her therapist’s advice, Celeste formulates a plan. Rather than send a text that could potentially go embarrassingly unanswered, she’ll meet Gemma face-to-face. And what better way to meet Gemma than to apply for this job that she’s really interested in?

“Throw the ball in her court,” Dr. Espinosa had said.

If no one responds to her application, then that’ll be that. Celeste will take it as a sign that Gemma isn’t interested in talking with her at all.

Celeste is terrified. But she tells her agent to submit her for the job.

I’ve pretty much settled into my new jobandmy new life when I come across an application with a familiar-looking portfolio on my desk.

“We’re currently searching for freelance videographers for the next project we’re doing,” says Pauline, one of my coworkers. “And this creator comes highly recommended. I think she worked with you on a previous project?”

Celeste’s eyes look back at me from the center photo, her expression the perfect mix of wistful and charismatic. Along with her picture are four photos she took, two of which are from our project.

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