Page 75 of Love in Focus

Suddenly, she lets out a dry laugh. “My mistake was ever thinking I could do anything casual with you. Did you know it’s been over nine years since we first broke up? That’s almost a decade! And yet I’m still as obsessed with you now as I was then. I should have told you that instead of saying whatever the fuck I did back in SF.”

My heart’s pounding so loudly that I can barely hear my own voice. “Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”

Celeste bites her lip and nods. “I’d understand if you’re not up for it, because God knows you already gave me enough chances. But I want to try seriously dating you again, Gem. We don’t have to jump into a relationship right away, especially not since you’ve been enjoying being single so much. We can go as slow as you want, maybe go thirty-five miles per hour instead of doing a hundred twenty. Whatever you’re comfortable with. I don’t care as long as we do things properly this time.”

I laugh at Celeste’s random driving metaphor. It’s funny, but effective, since I know exactly what she’s talking about.

“To be fair, we had absolutely no chance of going at a normal speed from the very beginning,” I reply. “Since we started off as roommates.”

Celeste’s eyes widen with realization. “You’re absolutely right,” she says with a groan. “And they were roommates! Ironically that’s one of my favorite romantic tropes.”

“Jeez, I wonder why.” I snicker, and so does she.

When we’ve grown serious again, I say exactly what I want to Celeste. I don’t dance around things, nor do I say what I think she’d want to hear. “I want to try again, too. Just slowly, like you said. But also—and sorry, I’m not trying to be mean here—I thought you don’t do relationships, Celeste. I get that you still have feelings for me, but why did that change?”

She shrugs. “My therapist said this thing. She told me that just because I’m scared shitless, doesn’t mean I shouldn’t try something. Well, I’m paraphrasing, but yeah. And it made me realize that, even though I’m terrified and may still have a lot to work on before I feel completely ready, I do want to try everything with you, Gem. I want a shot at our happily-ever-after.”

I kiss her, unable to resist any longer.

“You don’t have to be perfect,” I say, resting the tip of my nose on hers. “No one is. We all have our faults, and we all have our own baggage. You don’t have to be this flawless goddess to date me. I’ve always just wantedyou.”

Celeste nods. Her voice comes out raw, sounding more vulnerable than I’ve ever heard it before when she says, “I’ve always just wanted you, too. I don’t want to share my life with anyone else.”

My vision goes blurry with tears. “Same here.”

She stares at me for one long moment. Then, a mischievous quirk appears on her lips. “So, does that mean I got the job?”

I smile and pull her in for another kiss.

Celeste and I don’t move in together right away. We don’t even start staying overnight at each other’s places until a full month after we start dating again, and only when we feel absolutely ready. Even then, we keep things separate, only seeing each other when we need to for work and on weekends—but noteveryweekend.

The U-Haul lesbian life may work for some people, but we need more time and space. For now, anyway. And it’s nice. I’m still enjoying living alone. But I’m also enjoying my time with Celeste.

In lieu of living together, we go on a lot of dates, and do short little trips in-state. And that’s exactly what we do one weekend in the spring, with Celeste tagging along when I return to San Francisco to help with last-minute preparations for Kiara and Val’s wedding.

When we’re all done with errands for the big day, myfriends and I meet up at the gorgeous Palace of Fine Arts. Kiara and Val are gettingmarriedhere tomorrow. My skin buzzes with excitement at the thought.

Despite its name, the Palace is more of a huge, Greco-Roman rotunda with beautiful green lawns and a lagoon. Over a hundred feet tall and surrounded by ancient-looking columns, the entire area is picturesque and mystical, practically glowing in the afternoon light. The perfect setting for a very sapphic wedding.

“I know it’s too late to make changes now, the day before the wedding,” Kiara says when we meet up in the parking lot. “But I wanted to chill here for a bit to make sure the vibes are right. Plus, I figured it’d be nice for us to hang out, since I doubt we’ll have time to talk much tomorrow.”

“It was a great call,” I agree. “Coming to the venue in a much more casual context can also help with your nerves.”

My friends laugh at what I said, and I smile sheepishly when I realize I slipped into my advice columnist past self without even realizing it.

“It’s nice to meet you properly as Gemma’s girlfriend,” Val says, reaching around me and Kiara to give Celeste a firm handshake. “With all your clothes on.”

I laugh the hardest this time, and Celeste blushes as Kiara also shakes her hand. “Pleasure to meet you, Celeste,” she says.

“It’s nice to meet you both,” Celeste replies. “Congratulations. I’m looking forward to the wedding.”

Collectively, the four of us have filled our picnic baskets to the brim with various cheeses, jams, crackers, wines, andsalami. We went a bit overboard, and at least two wine bottles stick out from the baskets.

Val lays out a large checkered blanket for us to sit on and passes out wineglasses. Kiara and I take out the food and arrange it on our charcuterie board as aesthetically pleasingly as we can. Before we dig in, Celeste takes a few pictures, of our food, the Palace, and of us, with her professional camera.

“We make an amazing team,” Kiara says. “And we’re so lucky to have you two to help out with the wedding. More double dates like this,please!”

“You guys should come down to SoCal next time,” I reply. “Now that you’ll be done with all the wedding craziness. You’ll love Balboa Park, Kiara. It’s an hour and a half from where I live, but Celeste and I can drive down and meet you guys there. It’s a similar vibe to this, but bigger.”

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