Page 25 of Every Chance After

“Taking you out on a date. If you don’t say yes, the entire year will be a huge letdown,” he grinned.

Of course, I said yes. We spent the evening at a fancy restaurant, and he actually listened to my ideas for Sunny’s—many he advocated for with his mom. Self-checkouts. Expanding our catering services. More local products. And finally, expansion plans. That led to me becoming the youngest customer service manager in Sunny’s history.

I’m one of those lucky ducks who genuinely loves her job. Falling in love with Ashe seemed like a natural extension of what was already a perfect fit.

He surprised me by proposing at the store, surrounded by customers and our work family.

After learning about my disappointing birthdays in the past, he wanted to get married on Valentine’s Day to break my bad luck.

Funny.

I remember lying in bed at his condo, him strumming his fingers along my bare side, tickling me, as he gushed about what he wanted for us. “A house close to the beach. A dog—Mom never let me have one. Kids, too. Lots of kids.”

“Lotsof kids?” I asked with a laugh, endeared by his excitement for us. No one had everwantedthings with me before, let alone a lifetime together. Hearing Ashe say these things felt impossible yet gorgeously uncomplicated like my loneliness finally reached its expiration date.

“Well, at least two. I hated being an only child. Mom smothered me. She’ll be even worse with grandkids. She talks about it all the time—drives me crazy. It’s best to spread her attention between a few, right?”

“Um, right.”

He eyed me suspiciously. “Youwantkids, don’t you?”

Fears swarmed me then. I didn’t know if I wanted kids.Love, marriage, baby carriage—I understood the expectation, even the inclination. But me as a mom? I couldn’t see it. Perhaps my rocky childhood blurred what should’ve been a clear vision—me taking the family path over the life path. Then, I didn’t know if that’s what I wanted. But Ashe always knew.

“I want what you want,” I told him.

Ashe-vision crackles and fuzzes out.

“Marina, stay with me.”I’m there again, the road under me and the devastatingly blue skies waving their treetops overhead. My fingers twitch, and I close my hand, surprised to find it empty.

I blink awake slowly. Through my drug-laced exhaustion, I hear a rolling suitcase stop at the foot of the bed. Then, he crawls into the small space beside me.

“I’m here,” Ashe whispers. He snuggles gently into the back of me, kissing my shoulder. “Everything will be okay, Marnie. We’ll adopt. Or get a surrogate. Mom says…”

He goes on, but I can’t listen. Hearing “solutions,” with the agony so sharp and fresh, only makes me feel like a problem, desperate to be solved.

Is it selfish? This need to wallow in my pain a little while longer? To give it the respect it deserves?

For once, I don’t engage him, answer, or even offer ahmmto let him know I’m listening. I’m not ready to bethatMarnie yet.

“I’ll stay until you fall asleep,” he says, eventually. So, that’s what I do.

Ashe leaves sometime during the night but returns the next morning, oozing with handsome positivity but carrying Starbucks coffees. We’ve discussed supporting locals over big corporations before, but he forgets to listen. Today, I’m too pained to remind him.

“How’s my beautiful girl this morning, eh?” he asks, meeting me bedside, where I sit sideways, my feet grazing the cold floor.

“I’m okay,” I say, slightly winded and agonizingly sore. It’s been a busy morning. I glance at the whiteboard posted near the TV, where the morning nurse scribbled today’s goals.

Shower Power(full-body cleanse with anti-bacterial soap, done)

Power Walk(the hall to the nurse’s station and back, done)

Eat Like You Mean It(Eat something)

Get Things Moving(making sure my bowels function properly)

Ease off the Good Stuff(lessen my narcotics)

The nurse, Ivy, has a cute sense of humor, and who doesn’t love a chipper bedside manner, especially considering the overall misery of a hospital stay? I’ve never been so poked, prodded, or explored. Ivy didn’t hide her fascination with my hip bruise when she assisted me in the shower. Itismassive, a ginormous red blotch with blueish twinges covering my left side from kidney to thigh. It resembles a giant jellyfish with a big head and many stringy tentacles.Giant Jelly—that’s what everyone calls it now. Our power walk felt the opposite—I could hardly do it. My insides feel like they’ve been extracted, shuffled, like a deck of cards, and stuffed back in me like I’m a Thanksgiving turkey.

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