Page 94 of This Feeling

“You seem lost in thought,” James said, as we walked down Main Street. It was something we’d gotten into the habit of doing the last month. We patrolled our respective areas of Moose Village, then met up to walk down Main Street so people were aware of our presence.

Gavin was also on shift today, walking a few feet ahead of us while talking to a kid who was about seventeen. He’d wanted to ask about becoming a police officer, and Gavin was always more than happy to talk. It was another one of the reasons we made an effort to walk along Main, down to The Green. To be more accessible to the residents of Moose Village. It was actually Gavin who’d suggested it, and the chief thought it was a great idea.

“I can’t stop thinking about Liam and Hope Turner.”

James nodded. “I heard you and Harper took care of Winnie last Sunday. It was really nice of you guys to do that.”

I shrugged. “It was all Harper. Brystol and Harper are going back over tonight to spend time with Hope and Winnie, while Liam heads to The Muddled Moose to check on things. Hope’s father will also be there, but the idea is to give them all a break from caregiving.”

“That has to be hard on Hope, as well.”

Nodding, I glanced at James. “I don’t know if I could do it.”

“Do what?” he asked.

“Be strong while watching the woman I love slowly dying.”

“Are things that bad?” he asked quietly.

I rubbed at the instant ache in the back of my neck. “Aurora’s brother told her that the chemo isn’t working like they’d hoped. The cancer isn’t shrinking; it’s actually spreading. Liam and Hope are trying to decide if she should keep going with the treatment, or stop and try to enjoy what time she has left.”

“Fuck,” James whispered. “I can’t imagine.”

“That’s why I’ll never fall in love.”

We both looked at Gavin. At some point, he’d finished his conversation with the kid and fallen back into step with us.

“What?” I asked.

“I never want to love someone like that.”

James and I both stopped walking and faced Gavin.

“Nothing says that the woman you fall in love with will get cancer and die, Gavin,” James argued.

He shook his head. “It’s not worth the risk.”

“You don’t think love is worth the risk?” I asked.

“No. All love does is bring you hurt and pain—and you can’t tell me otherwise. I’ve experienced it.”

“That’s not true,” I replied.

“Are you in love?” Gavin asked.

I thought for a moment about Harper and me, and how I felt about her. Then replied, “Iamin love. And I’ve been waiting to tell her because, in my mind, I figured it was too soon. But now that you’ve made me think about it, I’ve decided it’s never too soon to tell someone how you feel.”

“Hell no, it’s not!” James said with a slap to my back.

Gavin looked away, but not before I saw his expression. It was a look of hurt…or maybe longing.

“Was it long ago you were in love?” I asked.

He let out a bark of laughter. “Feels like it was forever ago. I vowed never again.”

“Dude, exactly what happened to make you so cynical?” I asked.

Gavin waved off my question. “Listen, if you two want to believe in love, have at it. But for me, it’s not worth it. Besides, why would I tie myself down to just one person? No, thank you.”

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