Page 96 of Tinsel in Telluride

“What do you mean?”

He finally looks up at me, his big blue eyes glistening, and I can see his silent request to leave it written across his face. But there’s no way in hell I can do that. Not after that phone call. Not after all the things he put out into the universe.

“I haven’t looked at the results.”

“But you just told your mom?—”

“I know,” he snaps and runs a hand through his hair, tugging on the strands like they are a lifeline. “But it doesn’t matter if he’s mine. I want you guys to be my family.”

“Don’t you think I should have gotten a say in that?” I throw my hands up before letting them fall in a desperate move for him to understand. “Luca, we just started whatever this is. You can’t just give up a chance to fix things with your family without even knowing. Not only that, you’re out here making insinuations that aren’t true, and for what? To stick it to your mom? That’s not how you get back in her good graces?”

“Is that what you think I was doing?” He takes a step toward me, and I immediately step back. “This is what I want.”

“Do you hear how crazy that is?”

He falters, stopping mid stride. “Are you telling me you don't?”

“No, I—” Shit, I don’t even know what I’m trying to say. “Four days together isn’t enough. Especially if Zach isn’t yours.”

“You don’t get it, do you?” His words drip with an almost deranged tone as he lifts his hands and gestures around the room. “This is all I need. Enzo, Bash, and Holt have been my family for the last ten years. You and Zach stumbling into our little tradition is the best thing that’s happened to me. My family has been a clusterfuck for longer than I can remember. And as much as my mother thinks she’s going to fix things overnight, there’s not a chance in hell of that happening. I might not have known I wanted this before this week, but now I can’t imagine my life without you. “

Tears threaten to fall, and I swallow hard to keep them in place. “It sounds like you’ve got it all figured out.”

His eyes search mine, and I watch as they harden as he realizes he’s not going to find what he’s looking for.

“You don’t want this.”

It’s not a question, and I’m left with the sinking feeling that I've just shattered every bridge we built.

I inhale a steadying breath and cross my arms over my chest, grasping my biceps for strength. “Luca. I barely just got over the fact that you are not the same guy I remember. How the hell am I supposed to make informed decisions about our future when I didn’t even know it was an option last week…” My voice trails off, and I look him dead in the eye. “How can I decide if we don’t even know if Zach is yours?”

“Does it matter?”

Does it?

I know what my heart wants me to say, but that’s nothing more than the stuff of fairytales. So naturally, I push it down in a tiny little box and slap duct tape on that bitch.

The crux of it is I have to protect my son. I have to protect myself.

“Yes,” I exhale, shattering my own heart as I do. “Because if he’s not yours, you still have the option to fix things with your family.”

He opens his mouth to counter, but I lift my hand to stop him.

“I know you say you don’t want that, but if you could see your own face when you talk to your mother, you’d see what I do. Love and hope that someday you’ll all find your way back to each other.”

“Leigh—” he breathes.

“If Zach isn’t yours, you don’t have to keep playing house with us. You can walk away. I have to do what’s best for Zach, and if you aren’t his father, then I have to approach this differently. God, I’ve been so stupid. What if you decide in a month you don’t want us? In a year? At that point, not only will you break my heart, you’ll break his too. I can’t do that to him.”

“So what?” he spits, venom lacing his tone. “If Zach isn’t mine, you’re just going to live in a bubble and never let anyone love you?”

He loves me.

Is that what this is? It’s been four days.

I push the absurd thought from the forefront to examine later. “Maybe this was a mistake.”

“Don’t do this, Leigh,” he pleads.

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