Page 102 of Renegade Ruin

My palms sweat and I’m suddenly nervous to have this conversation. It’s not like talking with the guys on the team. While we struggle to connect sometimes, there’s nothing lost if we don’t jive right away. Team bonding takes time. But with Willow, we’re already more than a team. We’re—fuck, I don’t know, but the thought of losing her makes my heart poundagainst my ribs. Right now, we are not on the same page, and I need us to be.

Willow glances over at me, clearly waiting for me to take the lead.

Here goes nothing.

“I read your plans on the bus yesterday.”

Her shoulders fall, and she lets out a sigh of relief. “Yeah?”

I nod. “They’re incredible. And I understand why you did what you did. Not just agreeing to keep the kids safe from being used, but also for the Renegade organization on the whole. These really are good ideas—innovative and forward thinking—but you’ve got an uphill battle if you ever want to see them come to fruition.”

“I know. You aren’t the first to say so,” she agrees. Her lips pull into a tight line. “I’m sorry you got caught in the middle.”

“I don’t give shit about that.” Willow huffs a laugh and gives me a pointed look. I concede, “Okay, I mean, at first I did. But given the circumstances, I get it, and I’ve been dodging press questions about the crash for months. I’m more pissed you didn’t trust me to help you the same way you’ve helped me.”

“But it’s not the same.” Willow’s lips fall into a frown, her gaze finding the ground once more. “You did help distract me in my office. Keeping this from you wasn’t a distraction. It was to protect you.”

“Was giving me my own locker room a distraction?” I press, needing her to hear what I’m saying. “Was suggesting The Guardian a distraction?”

Her shoulders pop half-heartedly. “I suppose not.”

“As much as I appreciate it, I don’t need you to protect me.”

That comment awards me a side-eye glare and I can’t stop the chuckle that shakes my chest. “Okay, maybe I did need it before. But not anymore.” I close the distance between our fingers and wrap my pinky around hers. “And we both knowyou’ve done more than just be my distraction. What I’m saying is, you took away my chance to do the same.”

Her gaze falls to our connected hands before she trails it up to meet mine. “I didn’t know you wanted that.”

“I didn’t either,” I admit, and the truth stings in a way it shouldn’t. I’m not afraid to admit that I want Willow to wear my name across her back for the foreseeable future. Seeing it there today cemented that. But realizing it also fans the fear in my heart that if I give into this, I’ll inevitably lose her too. The same way I lost Corrine. The same way I lost my team. I’m barely learning to survive on my own.

Willow’s brow furrows in confusion, and the question shines in her eyes before she asks it. It’s a punch to the gut I’m not ready for, despite knowing it’s coming.

“What does that mean?”

I wish I had an answer for her. One that would vanquish the anxiety in her electric blue eyes. But I don’t. I could tell her what I know—that this isn’t a fling. That nothing about us is detached like we planned. That ever since we met on that balcony in New York, I’ve wanted to know what it would be like to call her mine.

But if I tell her that, it still wouldn’t be the whole truth. Despite all those things, there’s not a future for us. Not right now. Not while she’s my boss and there’s a wall around my heart.

So, I don’t say any of those things. Instead, I sigh and offer the only thing I can. A resounding,“I don’t know.”

“Do you want to find out?” Her voice cracks a bit, her vulnerability shining through. “Or is this you asking to end our arrangement?”

“No,” I blurt, and quickly clarify. “I mean, I don’t want to end our arrangement. And to the other question, I don’t know.”

Willow’s lips lift into a goofy smile I’m not expecting. She squeezes my pinky with hers and nods. “Okay.”

“Okay?” I ask, confused.

I expected more. Willow has never been one to shy away from questioning me, or at the very least pushing me to consider why I’m struggling to come to a conclusion. But this she’s willing to let be? It doesn’t sit right, but who am I to look a gift horse in the mouth?

She nods again. “Our arrangement stands, and when you’re ready, we’ll figure the rest out. But for the record, I’m all in.”

I swear time stands still as those words leave her lips.

“You are?” Goddamn, my heart thunders against my chest and there’s a part of me that wants to bolt, while the other demands I pull her into my arms and never let her go.

She’s all in. She wants this. Me.

Willow chuckles. “Don’t stress yourself out, Bishop. You don’t need to say you feel the same.”

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