Page 109 of Renegade Ruin

Jackson arches a brow. “What are we? Twelve?”

I shoot him a look, asking him to humor me.

“Fine. Seeing as I’m tethered to this damn bed,” he says, lifting his IV arm to drive his point home before continuing, “truth.”

“Why the hell did you and Norah name me Phoebe’s guardian?”

“Who else were we supposed to trust to raise our kid? You’re our best fucking friend,” he says without hesitation, like it’s the simplest answer in the world, and I’m floored by his conviction.

Before I can tell him what a terrible fucking idea it was, he turns the tables on me. “Truth or dare.”

I jut out my chin and choose dare, knowing damn well if I said truth we were going back down the road of Willow York.

Jackson’s lips lift into a maniacal smirk, telling me I’m screwed either way. “I dare you to tell me why you aren’t dating Willow.”

Fuck me.

I should have seen that coming.

“Willow and I have an arrangement.” One I’m questioning by the hour. “We are nothing more than fuck buddies.” Well, to me, that’s what we are.

You’re so full of shit,Tommy confirms. It almost feels like the three of us are standing in the locker room having this argument.

I am. But this isn’t the time or place for me to work through whatever the hell it is I’m feeling for Willow. Today is about Jackson. I only have today with him.

Jackson doesn’t back down. He raises his voice and the vein at his temple pops. “Wrong. You’re everything. My best friend would already know that. He’d be convincing me. Not the other way around.”

I work my hands in my lap. Fisting my fingers and releasing them in an effort to keep my cool. “Maybe once upon a time.”

“Nope. I don’t buy it.”

“Why are you pressing this?” I grit out.

“Because I don’t fucking understand!” he yells, chest heaving against his blue hospital gown.

My eyes flick to the door, waiting for a nurse, or God forbid Phoebe, to come running in. When neither do I level with Jackson. “I told you. I’m not that guy anymore. I can’t look at the world with rose-colored glasses and pretend love conquers all. Love can’t stop planes from falling from the sky. It can’t stop the press from tearing us apart. It can’t stop the league from trading me. It can’t stop hearts from breaking. Love isn’t enough.”

My chest constricts, and I’m seconds away from bolting from the room to give us both the space to cool off, when Jackson sighs and a single tear stains his cheek.

“No, but life’s too short not to experience every ounce of what love has to offer.”

“Is that really what I sounded like before the crash?”

Jackson runs a hand through his hair and tugs at the strands. The itch to mirror the same action consumes me, but I sit still, wondering if he grips hard enough for the pain to take the edge off the bullshit life has dealt us.

“No, you were our hopeless romantic. I’m the man who might never know that love again. But if I had to go back, I’d do it all again, even knowing I was going to lose her. I’d do it a hundred times over just to know her love.”

My chin hits my chest with a thud and I murmur, “You’re a stronger man than I am.”

“No. Just smarter.”

“I’m afraid to lose her.”

The weight of my whispered truth hangs between us. Only it’s not stagnant. It never has been. It swings with my emotions—like a pendulum. Sometimes hitting the peak in the space where I want to cling to her and never let her go. Other times it’s the opposite and I can’t run away fast enough. The thing about a pendulum is it eventually comes to rest. And when it does, I’ll have to decide which I want. Am I all in or not?

“Bishop.” Jackson’s lip quivers. “You can’t live life in fear just because one shitty thing happened. Otherwise, one day you’ll wake up and realize you’re seventy and still lost everything anyways, but there’s no one to blame but yourself.”

There’s a sharp pang in my chest.

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