Page 29 of Renegade Ruin

“It would have been better if you finished what you started, but I’m not complaining.” At least not out loud. What he did was a dick move, but I get it a little more now. We all do stupid shit when the emotions hit too close to home.

“You want to fuck the feelings away?”

My brows shoot up and I let out a stifled giggle. “That’s not how I would’ve put it, but if that’s what it takes.”

“Shit.” Bishop breathes, shaking his head. “I thought I was rock bottom, but it seems I’ve got a bit more falling to do if you believe that’s what I need right now.”

I arch a speculative brow. “You’re telling me you didn’t feel the freedom of what we did on the plane?”

He freezes, and I know I’m right. It wasn’t just me. Whatever this thing is between us, this addiction to sharing stolen moments, it’s not nothing.

I never told him the night he found me at the party at my father’s beach house that I was falling apart. I’d just found out my father had been diagnosed with prostate cancer.Later I’d find out it was likely manageable with surgery and chemotherapy, but at the time I could only think about how I’d lose him. Bishop took one look at me and knew I wasn’t okay. He didn’t ask why I was teary-eyed or press for more information. For one night, he let me live in a moment that was just ours.

We live for these moments. This is just another between us. Because that’s who we are—two very fucked up peas in a pod who don’t have a chance in hell of making something meaningful work any time soon. I can see that now. But that doesn’t mean for just one night we can’t help each other move forward.

His brown eyes pierce me, and despite wanting to look away, I need him to see I’m in this.

“What do you get out of this?” he asks.

It’s the same question I had the night we met. He told me he got a taste of the most beautiful, intriguing woman he had ever met. That night, he made me believe it was true.

Eyes locked on him, I whisper the honest and raw truth. “I get to spend the night with the man who’s made me believe I’m worth more than my name, and then I get to say goodbye.”

Bishop curses under his breath, and I wait for him to tell me again to leave. When he doesn’t, I muster up the courage to glance up at him through my lashes.

“Willow, I…I can’t give you….”

“That’s your problem, Bishop. You always want to give. This isn’t just about me. It’s about you too. Take what you need. I’ll do the same. No feelings. No commitment.”

Or at least I’ll do my best to forgo them.

“Just one night,” he finishes my sentiment perfectly.

“Just one.”

“No feelings.”

“None whatsoever.”

I roll onto my knees and stand in front of him and watch as his gaze travels up my body as he contemplates the offer I have just made.

The ball is in his court. We all have these moments in life. The ones where we can either climb the mountain alone or give up. Renegade Hearts was my first Everest. It was my solo climb to make something of myself when I didn’t believe I could. Sure, I had help along the way, but it was my dream. My moment to overcome the bullshit belief my mother implanted. I was a woman and could only be the trophy wife on a man’s arm.

I know Bishop is fighting to summit his own Everest. He can either follow me or stay in his pity party at base camp. But if he’s willing to climb and make the most of the future he’s been given—to fight his way through and learn to live again—then I have no doubt he’s going to succeed.

And I want to be there to see it.

But I can’t do it for him.

All I can do is give him the night he needs and pray he’s ready to take the first step.

And then I need to walk away.

CHAPTER NINE

BISHOP

She’s a drug.

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