Page 48 of Renegade Ruin

Her shoulders slump forward and her curls sway as she shakes her head.

“Willow.” Her name is a plea on my lips.

She throws her arms up and turns back to face me. “Okay, fine. It was better. Better than I’ve felt in a long time.”

“Like you could breathe again. Conquer the shit you’ve been avoiding.”

“Yes.”

Moving slowly, so as not to spook her, I stand and take a step forward. Her head tips back to meet my gaze, and I can’t stop my eyes from darting to where her tongue slips out, wetting painted red lips.

Her eyes track my movement and she sucks in a breath, letting me know she’s just as affected as I am.

I raise my eyes to her sparkling blue ones and will her to hear, not only my desperation, but the plea to let me help her. “So, why wouldn’t we try to feel like that again?”

Her eyes search mine. “Is this what you’ve been thinking about for the last week?”

“Among other things.” It’s a lie. I’ve only had the idea for the past seven hours. Which were spent pacing my hotel room trying to work up the courage to show up on her doorstep.

“We can’t.”

“Why not?”

“It’s wrong.”

“Says who?” I counter.

Uncertainty flashes across her eyes for a moment before she speaks. “I’m your boss, for one. And we—we’d just be scratching an itch.”

“One that needs scratching.”

“It’s not real.”

“It doesn’t have to be if it helps us learn to live again.”

Willow breaks her stare and glances at the window before taking a step back, which I allow. I might be willing to beg, but if she really doesn’t want this, I’ll walk away and respect her wishes. She turns back to the desk and reaches for her glass. Finishing off her drink, a weary silence fills the space between us.

I wish I knew what she was thinking, but I don’t have it in me to ask, especially if it’s all the reasons why we shouldn’t. I know them. I’ve gone over them a thousand times, and I keep coming back to her words—don’t move on, learn to live. I don’t know the woman standing in front of me. Not like I used to. But I know there’s some part of her that wants the same thing I do. She wants to live.

“I’m going to go,” I say softly, causing her eyes to snap in my direction.

Her face is drenched in a mix of apprehension and guilt, but I could swear I see a hint of longing as well.

“If, and I do mean if, I consider this, what would it look like?”

I breathe a sigh of relief and answer honestly. “Whatever you want it to look like.”

“Can I think about it?”

I nod. “Of course. Take all the time you need.”

Willow presses her lips into a thin line and returns with a nod of her own, though her eyes tell me there’s plenty she wants to say.

It’s probably best to quit while I’m ahead. She might not have said yes, but she didn’t say no and for now I’ll take the win. Because if she does say no, I’m not sure what comes next for me. I don’t want to fall back into alcohol and fights. I need to do better, not only for myself, but I’m not sure I can make it through on my own.

With that somber thought, I turn on my heel and head for the door.

I’m a little surprised when Willow doesn’t follow me out like the good host I know her mother raised her to be, but it’s probably for the best. If she did, I’m not sure I could stop myself from saying the one thing I should have. The one thing I owe her, but I’m not ready to give.

---