Page 54 of Renegade Ruin

Of course, praying doesn’t stop him from asking.

“Does it get better?”

I look away, but my entire body feels the weight of his stare. It’s all I can do to nod once. Twice. Three times. Lies every single one of them.

Because while time does heal, the pain never goes away. There will always be moments when the universe reminds you they’re gone. It plays tricks on you and forces the good memories to overtake the bad. Until the moment you remember everything they’re missing. The birthdays and holidays they’ll never celebrate again.

I bite my lip to stop myself from releasing the sob that threatens to overtake me. “It won’t feel better for a long time. But eventually, you feel less like you’re drowning and more like you’ve got an elephant on your chest. And then one day it’s only a dull ache instead of a death sentence.”

“How long?”

I can’t stand the desperation in his voice. The silent plea for me to deliver encouraging news. But I can’t.

“I’ll let you know when I get there.” A sad smile crosses my lips.“That’s why I told you it’s about learning to live. Not learning to be okay.”

Bishop lets out a weighted sigh and leans forward, pressing his forehead to mine. “You’re right there with me, aren’t you?”

I nod softly against him, unable to put into words how right he is. I’d love to tell him there’s a one-size-fits-all solution, but there isn’t. Some days you’re able to wake up, and for a few minutes, you forget. You live for those moments. Then otherdays are so debilitating you can hardly breathe. Some days you get the two-for-one deal and experience both before lunch.

Today is that day for me. The swing between considering Bishop’s offer and missing my father, followed by Bishop's outburst, has me feeling weightless and like I’m drowning at the same time.

I look up, and this close, I can see the light brown flecks in Bishop’s otherwise dark bronze stare. My tongue darts out, and his eyes track the movement before returning to mine.

“Distract me.” The words are past my lips before I can think twice.

Bishop pulls back and searches my face. “Are you sure?”

No. Not even a little bit, but I think he’s right when he says we can’t do this alone. And even though I might regret this the moment we leave this equipment room, for right now I need this, and so does he.

We’re doing whatever we have to in order to live.

The moment I nod, I’m stunned by the brutal force of Bishop’s lips against mine. I’ve come to expect the change in his kisses. They are no longer the slow, sweet, and gentle kisses I received when we met and at the party. This is rough and passionate, carnal and demanding. My thighs clench when his tongue dives between my lips, not asking but forcing his way in, taking what we both want.

My hand comes up and cradles his stubbled cheek, holding him in place as I pull back. Bishop latches on to my lower lip and rakes his teeth over it, and I can’t help the moan that escapes me.

He cocks a brow, and I smirk past breathless pants.“I think we need some ground rules.”

Bishop wraps his arms around my waist and tugs me against his muscled torso as he huffs a laugh. “We’ve never been good at following those.”

He’s not wrong. Just one night was never just one night and goodbye wasn’t goodbye. That doesn’t mean I can just jump in with both feet and believe we’ll come out of this unscathed. I might be a hopeless romantic, but I’m not stupid.

“First, no one can know.”

He nods. “That’s a given.”

“I mean it, Bishop. If anyone finds out, it won't be you that's ridiculed.”

“I wouldn’t let them?—”

I pin a glare in his direction, effectively stopping him mid-sentence. We both know it won’t be him who suffers. The league may give him a slap on the wrist, but just like it has been with the takeover, I’ll be the one they focus on as the failure. I’ll be the woman who took advantage of her position and slept with a player. It doesn't matter that we have a history or that we’re two consenting adults.

“Okay. No one finds out.”

“Two—piggybacking on that to make sure it stays secret—nothing can happen between us at the stadium.”

“You mean like this?” Bishop leans down and runs his nose along my neck and an almost feral growl vibrates against my flesh.

Goosebumps break out across my skin and a shiver tears through me. “Okay after this.”

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