Page 59 of Renegade Rift

Paige pops her shoulders and looks out the window. “You’ve never asked before.”

Her words suck up the playful nature that surrounded the room, and replaced it with a soft punch to the gut.

Anxiety grips my spine as I quickly try to work through what to say or how to fix this. I don’t want to lose her. She might be the most unconventional friend I’ve ever had, but she’s mine.

“I’m sorry, Paige.” I haven’t been the best friend to her. I haven’t been present. I’ve been so wrapped up in myself for so long, and before that it was Tyler. So much of my adult life has been dictated by him that I’m not sure I know how to be a good friend at all.

“I-I promise I’ll be better,” I stammer. “Especially now that I don’t have to work all these crazy hours to make those payments. I’ll be a better friend.”

Paige holds her hands up in surrender. “Whoa, Etta. No. That’s not what I meant. You don’t need to apologize. That was shitty of me to throw at you. What I meant is I’m happy you asked. I want you to ask. It wasn’t a slight. It was me getting emotional because I’m happy we’ve reached a point that you’re willing to ask. I know you’ve been through the wringer. You’ve been through more in the last ten years than most people experience in a lifetime. I’ve been patiently waiting for you to trust me enough to have these kinds of conversations. For you to feel like you can trust me enough that you can invest in me too.”

My brow furrows and I search her face, finding nothing but kindness in her eyes. “I don’t understand. You’ve been waiting for me to trust you enough to ask about you?”

“I’ve been where you are. In a place where fight or flight is the norm. Where investing in people feels like it’s too much because they will inevitably turn on you or use you. It’s easier not to ask questions or get too invested and safer to only share the parts of you that are absolutely necessary in order to survive.”

“I—” I don’t know what to say. Thankfully, Paige continues.

“I will forever hold your stories with the utmost respect. All I’m saying is now you’re trusting me enough to hold my stories, too, and it’s a beautiful thing.”

My throat tightens as I blink away my tears. “Thank you” is all I choke out, shame and joy fighting for space in my throat.

“No crying.” She swats her hand at me playfully, blinking away tears of her own. “It’s a happy day. One that is soon to be filled with pictures of delicious men, and if we’re lucky, a dick pic or two.”

And just like that Paige has thwarted a moment that would usually send me into a spiral and turn it around.

“You’re right.” I hate that this is a process. One that is full of ups and downs. Leaps forward and steps back. It’s not just my romantic life that is healing after grief. It’s every aspect of me. And like Paige said, it has no timeline.

That doesn’t mean I don’t wish I could snap my fingers and be okay.

I force a smile, determined to share this momentous occasion with my best friend and not let a single thought of the last year ruin it.

“Of course I’m right,” Paige says, lifting her finger like it’s a prized show horse. “Now let’s get swiping.”

I pull up the app and hit the button, bringing up a feed that is supposed to be filled with the men who will suit me best in this city. Paige bounces beside me while we wait for the first profile to load. When it finally does, though, I’m convinced it must be broken.

My jaw drops at the same time Paige breathes an entertaining, “Holy shit.”

Because the first man Opalescent deems to be my perfect match is none other than my former brother-in-law and current roommate, Ford McCoy. Only his name says Eugene Folkmore.

Paige chuckles. “He could have picked a better alias.”

She’s right. It’s a terrible name for meeting women. Then again, I’d bet money his name doesn’t really matter with the photo he picked.

He’s shirtless holding a freaking puppy. It looks like something straight from one of the league calendar shoots. In fact, I’d bet money it is. But it’s doing its job.

Shit, am I really sitting here considering how sexy Ford looks with his wind-swept hair and dazzling smile while holding a damn St. Bernard?

He’s Tyler’s brother. I can’t possibly think he’s attractive.

But he’s your friend now, remember?

God, I hate my conscience sometimes.

It doesn’t matter.

I swallow hard and hit the settings button. “I think we need to adjust the parameters to rule out any athletes.”

“I did that already. It says here he’s a sports enthusiast.”

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