Page 53 of Que Será, Syrah

She nestles against me, laughing softly. “Well, have fun trying.”

And I know we both will.

“Okay, I think I figured it out,” Legs says a short while later, while we’re eating dinner—random bowls that I pulled out of the fridge and heated for us. I have chicken with cilantro rice, she has quinoa with black beans.

“Figured what out?” I ask, glancing up at her. Yes, up. She’s seated on my kitchen island—that’s right, on the island—with her feet planted on the seat of one of my stools, while I sit on the other stool, like a normal person. I’m wearing a tee shirt over sweatpants (yes, they’re gray. And yes, I’ve heard the jokes) she’s in my robe, which was another gift from Lori. It’s soft and plush, extravagant as fuck and, other than being too big, it suits Legs perfectly.

“I’ve figured out why I didn’t immediately recognize you,” she says. “You know, when you pulled me over? It’s because you’re taller now, broader, and more…I dunno, muscle-y?”

“That’s not actually a word,” I say as I fork up another piece of chicken. I mean, she’s not wrong, but…

Legs rolls her eyes. “So you want to police my grammar now, too? Fine. Have it your way, you’ve filled out some. Is that better?”

“You know, you could just say that I’m bigger now, and harder,” I tease.

“Mm, I suppose I could do that. Except…” Her gaze drops to my lap. A smile plays on her lips as she sing-songs, “Not right now you’re not.”

I shake my head, because, yeah, come to think of it, that right there is probably the biggest difference. Even with all the shower action we just indulged in, I’m pretty sure that, at seventeen, I would have gotten it up again by now. I wouldn’t have been able to help myself. Not with her sitting right there, naked beneath my robe, looking at me the way she is right now.

“Well, then what do you think the reason was?” she asks, misinterpreting my head shake for disagreement.

“I don’t know. I’m sure it’s a lot of things. I have a different haircut, I was wearing my uniform…” I zone out a little as I think about that, as I remember all the first responders I’d encountered during the fires. All I ever saw were the uniforms—the gear and the masks that obscured their features, the soot and ash that coated and smeared them. I couldn’t have picked a single one of those people out of a lineup, not even to save my own life—and how ironic is that?

“Hey.” She reaches forward to cup my face. “Where’d you go just now?”

I close my eyes—in part to revel in her touch, in part to gain some space. Are we really going to talk about this? Now?

“Clay?”

Sighing, I open my eyes. “You weren’t here during the fires.”

“No.” Her hand slips from my face as she sits back. She clutches her bowl, looking troubled. “That first year…I didn’t even hear about them until weeks later. My grandmother downplayed it. She said there was no reason for me to worry, that I should enjoy myself and stay where I was. But Rosa said it got pretty bad.”

I shrug and nod. “It really depended on your circumstances. Some people weren’t affected at all. For others it was a temporary inconvenience.” Some people lost everything.

“What about you?”

I shrug again. “I was luckier than some people.”

“How so?”

“Well, I didn’t die, right? And no one in my family was seriously injured. That was the important thing.”

“But…?”

“Oh, you know, we were part of the fairground people, if that tells you anything.”

She shakes her head. “I don’t know what that means.”

Right. Of course. “It’s nothing. Just a stupid name they had for some of us.” I push my bowl aside, take hers from her hand, and then pull her into my lap.

“’Us’ who?”

“Just people. Just anyone who was displaced during the fires or who lost their homes. They housed us on the fairgrounds in Calistoga for a few weeks in tents or RVs, or just sacked out on the floors. Hence the name.”

“Don’t do that,” she says, pulling back to frown at me. “Don’t act like it doesn’t matter when clearly it does.”

“What do you know about it?” I ask, smiling gamely. “What makes you think I’m acting?” And yes, by the way, I’m totally acting.

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