Page 108 of Counting On You

“Just because you might get all obsessive on me, doesn’t mean I want to stop seeing you,” I add, in case I didn’t make that part clear enough.

She cocks her head, regarding me through those beautiful eyes of hers. “But…I thought you said you hated closeness.”

“I do. But it’s not like you want to enter a lifelong commitment with me, right?”

She opens her mouth, drawing a slow breath, then lets it out slowly. “That’s right.”

“Look, Vicky.” I let go of her face and brace my palms against the shelf, leaning into her. My weight’s keeping her from shifting, but she doesn’t seem to mind. “I don’t care if you’re addicted to me because I could just as well say I’m addicted to fucking you. I’ll be honest with you, I want to fuck you—bad. I want it not just once, but again and again. That breaks the golden promise I once made to myself. I believe it breaks most of them.”

“What are you saying?”

“I’m saying that I don’t want to stop now. There’s no way I’m giving up what we have. Not yet.”

“You still want to continue despite knowing I’m obsessive.”

I nod. “That’s the thought, yes. We have a good thing going. What’s the harm in that?”

She laughs, the sound bitter and sad. “What’s the harm? We could get caught, Kade.”

“You knew that when we started this. Why the sudden fear?”

“Because I feel like I’m moving into unknown territory,” she whispers. “This addiction of mine represents everything I’ve grown to hate about me. There’s this constant fear. Uncertainty. Since being here, I’ve realized my greatest mistake is that I tend to live in the future rather than the present. I used to pin all my hopes and wishes on people who never intended to stay around. As you can see, it didn’t work out too well for me.”

“It’s a good thing you realized that because I want us to live in the present and not focus on tomorrow. I want us to focus onus.” I stare at her, letting my words sink in. “You have something I need, and I can give you something you want. Call it a symbiosis. An intimate relationship with no commitment, but one that is of mutual benefit.”

Her lips twitch. “Are you comparing us with trees and spores?”

“Something like that.” I lean into her, brushing my lips against hers. “I’m into you, Vicky. I just don’t do relationships. I never made a secret out of that fact. If there’s a chance that we can help each other, then I don’t think we should stop. I just think we should make our own rules.”

“Rules?”

“Yeah. Rules.” I trace her cheekbone with my finger, cupping her face again. “Rule number one: you need to be honest with me at all times.” My thumb glides over her full lips that are quivering under my touch. “Rule number two: I want you to act on your desires. I honestly believe that sometimes the things that keep you obsessed are the things that might help you heal. If you want to touch me, go on and touch me. If you think of me, don’t just think. Act on your urge. If sex is what you crave, then let me fuck you.”

“What’s number three?” she whispers just as short of breath as I feel.

“Why do you assume there’s a rule number three?”

“Because the first two rules only seem to apply to me. You haven’t mentioned yourself yet.”

My lips curl into a smile. “This isn’t one of my rules so much as a general fact about me, but I’m going to teach you that love is overrated and sex is a cure.”

She laughs briefly. “That sounds wrong on so many levels.”

“How can sex be wrong? Sex doesn’t break your heart. Sex doesn’t need kindness to work out. Sex is never patient. It rarely boasts, and it always makes you feel good.”

“Did you just make that up?”

I look at her, wondering the same thing. “Maybe. All I’m saying is that I want you to let go of your limitations, fear, and expectations. Stop thinking about what’s wrong and live a little.”

“What about rehab?”

“What about it?” I shrug. “I am here voluntarily. I could leave at any time, but I choose to stay because my company’s important to me. This is all a show I’m putting on. Doesn’t mean I really have a problem.”

As I say the words, I realize how empty and hollow they are. I might have believed them not too long ago. But something has changed. Yes, my company’s important to me, but so is Vicky. I refuse to let her go just as much as I won’t lose the very thing I built up from scratch. This isn’t a show any longer, and my bet with Cash is no longer what drives me to pursue Vicky, which is why I haven’t yet mentioned to him that the deed’s been done.

Vicky regards me for a few moments. “I knew you’d say that.” Her words sound strange. Maybe a bit bitter but not angry. I don’t know what to make of them.

I wrap my hands around her waist, pulling her close. “I do feel a great level of attraction to you. What you see is how I feel about you. I want you. I desire you. I crave you in any way I can have you. Right now, I’m thinking of tearing this thing off your body and fucking you on the spot. I want to go on a journey inside your body, discover the world with you. I want to be your favorite place. I want you to be your true self with me.”

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