Page 114 of Counting On You

“It doesn’t matter. The past can’t be changed. Deeds cannot be undone. Memories can’t be unwrapped. I’ve known you for a few weeks, Kade, and I think you’re amazing.”

“Amazing, huh?” He leans over me and brushes a stray lock out of my eyes. “I’d take amazing every day, almost as good as perfect.”

“Don’t get cocky on me,” I manage to whisper before he rolls on top of me, his weight pinning me down. “Obviously, I was just trying to be nice. That’s not to mean—”

My breath hitches as he cuts off my words with a kiss. It’s only a kiss, but it’s the most beautiful one yet—soft and smooth and filled with unspoken promises—and for the first time I can’t help but wonder:

Could there ever be more?

Could more become forever?

With him, I feel safe. Safer than I’ve ever felt before.

When the traps of life keep you tied to rigid things, you appreciate that one special moment.

This is my special moment.

I don’t know why, but I kind of like Kade. I like everything about him. He makes me laugh and stands by me when everyone has been judgmental. He’s shown me how to breathe again after I thought I’d always live in a state of suffocation.

But why does it feel so wrong to want him and so right to need him?

I peer into his eyes nervously.

He looks at my lips and my heart flies as if it’s a bird discovering the sky for the first time. He takes a breath, and I suck it in. He’s so close that I could get lost in him forever.

“Am I making you nervous?” he whispers and brushes his thumb over my lower lip.

“Sometimes.”

“Did Bruce ever make you nervous?”

“I don’t know.” I want to lie that he did and yet I can’t.

“How can you not know?” Kade asks. His hand tightens around me possessively. “You know what I think? I don’t think you ever loved him. Do you think of him now as much as you did on your first day here?” I open my mouth, but he holds up a hand, silencing me. “Think before you answer. I want you to be honest with yourself. Because true love doesn’t just go away.”

I bite my lower lip, thinking. This is the one place I don’t want to revisit, mainly because I fear I might go back to a state that wasn’t healthy for me. “I don’t want to talk about him. Please, just drop it.”

I try to wiggle my way out of his stealthy embrace, but my attempt is a feeble one. Truth be told, I enjoy his touch. Enjoy everything he does to me. I know it. He knows it. The silence that follows is awkward, but not uncomfortable.

Kade leaves me to my thoughts, which I realize is probably just as bad as forcing me to talk about my demons.

Me never in love with Bruce?

If someone had told me that weeks ago, I would have said that was impossible.

But Kade has been close to the truth. I never truly loved him. I know it now because what I’m beginning to feel for Kade is what love really feels like.

It’s honest and beautiful. Accepting and giddily exhilarating. It makes me feel more beautiful than I’ve ever felt before.

“Why did you have to bring up Bruce?” I whisper. “You’ve ruined the moment.”

“Have I really?” Kade lowers his lips to my neck, his hot breath grazing my skin as his hand forces its way beneath my clothes.

Moaning, I throw my head back as I realize what he’s about to do and the lust from before settles deep in my core.

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