Page 122 of Counting On You

“That’s the thing, Vicky. I thinkIcan make you happy. That’s why we need to talk.”

I stare at him, unsure whether I’ve heard him right.

He can make me happy?

For a moment, I’m so paralyzed, his words keep replaying in my mind. Like in a loop, they keep swirling around, too fast to understand.

I do feel like I can make you happy.

My heart jumps into motion as realization dawns on me. If there’s one thing Kaiden Wright can’t do, it’s commitment.

It’s like he’s allergic to it—he joked about it.

I take a deep breath and let it out slowly as I gather my thoughts. “My therapist says we’ll relapse, Kade. Not necessarily now, but it will happen eventually. She says that friendships, relationships, any form of bonding formed during rehab never lasts.”

“She’s right. People relapse. And then they get their shit together and get better,” Kade says slowly. “But that’s not us.”

I raise my brows. “And you know this how?”

“Because we don’t belong here.” He pulls me into his arms, skin against skin, his heat warming me, his eyes piercing into mine, filling me with the kind of hope I shouldn’t allow myself to feel. I look up at him, sucking in every word as though my life depends on it. “You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. You make me feel like I’ve only just now started to live. Like everything before you was just existing, floating with no meaning. I’ll never get enough of you. And I sure as hell won’t ever share you with anyone.”

Sweet words…so meaningless, so much hope.

I don’t know what his game is, but I don’t feel up for playing, and yet I can’t walk away.

Everything inside me is trapped in a storm wreaking havoc.

“I’m not telling you that I love you. I’m saying that I crave you so much I cannot imagine you being with someone else,” Kade says.

My heart sinks, breaking just a little bit.

He presses his lips against mine.

“Love is not an accident. It’s a verb. You don’t wait for it to happen. You make it happen. And I have every intention of making you mine,” he whispers into my mouth.

“You don’t do commitment, Kade. We’d be friends with benefits.”

“You would be my only friend.”

I should feel offended that he’d ever proposition something like that to me, but all I can feel is hurt and want. I want him so much even though it hurts. And it hurts like hell that he doesn’t want me the way I want him.

When did things take this turn?

When did our little uncomplicated thing become so messy?

“I don’t want to lose you,” he whispers.

I press my mouth against him, taking everything he can give me, even though I know it’s never going to be enough.

Could I keep on seeing him without actually being with him? Could I ever kiss his lips without wanting them to be mine—and mine only?

I can’t let him into my world, only to feed my obsession, which would lead to stalking, then to misery—a never-ending circle I couldn’t possibly break on my own.

Things with Bruce started out the same way. Except, Bruce never saw me the way Kade does.

Kade makes me feel wanted while still keeping me at arm’s length. He created feelings I never had before while doing nothing. His kisses are like soft breezes and roaring hurricanes, his touch a warm rain shower and a cascading waterfall.

“I think it’s time we change things up a bit,” Kade says as he begins to trail soft kisses down my neck. “How about I take you out to dinner? Just the two of us.”

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