Page 133 of Counting On You

She thinks it was all a lie.

I stare at her, taking in her bright eyes, the hope, and the faith I’m going to take away.

I wipe my face with my hand. “No, Vicky.” My eyes meet hers. “That’s the thing. We need to talk about that.”

It takes her a split second to understand before her eyes go wide and she takes a step back from me.

“You really have a sex calendar?” Her tone sounds so hurt, my whole body tenses.

“Idid.”

She shakes her head. I see suspicion in her eyes, followed by disbelief, then suspicion again. When I don’t go on to explain myself, she shakes her head again.

“So, it was all true?”

I sit down on the edge of the bed, unsure how to proceed. It was never my intention to hurt her, but I know what I’m going to say next will do just that. “I started it last year. It’s the reason why I’m here. A sex scandal went a little out of hand and my company’s board decided that I needed to get help.” She looks at me like she doesn’t know me, which is worse than any screaming and shouting. “I guess I needed help,” I add.

Her hands fall to her sides. She looks defeated, as if all her power has poured out of her.

“Why didn’t you tell me before?”

“It’s complicated.”

She cocks her head to the side. “How so?” I don’t answer. “Kade, how is something like aiming to fuck a different woman every day for a year more complicated than you telling me you don’t do relationships?” Slowly, she inches closer until she’s standing before me. I fight the urge to pull her into my arms, to touch her, to tell her that things have changed, that none of it matters, but I dare not, afraid of her reaction.

Her disdain, even though she might not even know her role in this game.

“I’m the last one.” There’s no doubt in her voice. No hesitation. Just a simple statement. She sits down beside me and tucks her hands between her knees as she exhales a slow breath.

Her body’s so close I can feel it burning.

“I thought we were being honest with each other.” Another statement. “Did you really think it would have bothered me?”

I regard her, expecting to see pain. But all I see in her eyes is indifference.

“You don’t mind?”

“No, I don’t.” She looks serious. I can’t detect any lying either. “Why would I? You told me from the beginning that you only do hook-ups. What?” She catches my glance, scowling. “You really thought I believed you were a saint? Come on. Let’s be real here. If there’s one thing this institution has taught me is that you can’t trust feelings.” She falls back against the cushions, staring at the ugly painting—just like I did barely ten minutes ago. “Honestly, I expected it, Kade. I’m a magnet for the kind of guy who’ll never settle for one woman, who’ll never choose the little house with a white picket fence in the suburbs kind of life. I don’t even remember a time when someone wanted me for who I am. Bruce never even wanted to fuck me.”

I grimace as I remember that I still haven’t told her everything. She catches my expression and frowns.

“What?”

I sigh. “I haven’t decided whether I should tell you.”

Her body tenses as she pushes up on her elbows. “Tell me what?” Her voice is high-pitched. Definitely nervous. “Don’t tell me you’re married or—” She scowls at me as she’s thinking of scenarios worse than cheating.

“It’s nothing of that sort. It’s about Bruce.” The words render her silent. “I thought I could keep it from you a little longer, but now that I’m leaving you deserve to know.”

“Know what?”

“Bruce is gay. That’s why he never wanted to touch you.”

She stares at me for a few moments. Eventually, she exhales sharply. “Bruce is not gay.”

“I thought you’d say that.” I head over to my suitcase and retrieve an envelope, which I pass on to her.

I watch her expression as she peers at the photos inside.

---