Page 138 of Counting On You

“But that’s the thing. I might. We have to be realistic,” Vicky says grimly. “We both want different things from life because we’re different. As much as we both want to believe that we don’t have issues, the truth is that we do. We’re just too afraid to admit it.” She pauses for a moment during which her expression hardens. I know instantly she’s mentally preparing for the big blow. “If we had met outside in the real world, in a real place, you would never have fallen in love with me. You wouldn’t have paid me a second thought. I would have been one of your numbers. Just like all the other women in your life, I would have waited for a call that would never have come. You would have ignored my texts, which in turn would have fueled my obsessive stalker streak. A week later, and you might not even have been able to remember my name or face.”

She closes her eyes, probably to hide the waves of hurt wafting from her. As much as I want to pretend otherwise, her words ring true. Yes, that jerk was me, a few weeks ago. But that’s no longer me.

“Vicky—”

“No.” She holds up her hand, stopping me. “Please. Let’s just enjoy this moment as long as it lasts.”

“I thought you were addicted to me.” As much as I’m addicted to you I want to add, but for some reason, can’t.

“That’s the thing. I am, which is why we can’t see each other again.” Her tone is earnest, resolute. “There’s a difference between allowing yourself to fall in love and loving obsessively. Between fantasy and reality. I can imagine myself falling in love with you, but that would probably turn into your worst nightmare.”

“Maybe I want you to. Loving hard is not wrong; it’s not an obsession, no matter what other people say.”

“I can’t let myself go through all of that again.” She gets up, hesitating.

“Are you leaving already?”

“That might be the best thing to do. I don’t want a confrontation tarnishing my memory of us.” Her shoulders slump under the weight of her decision. “Look, I appreciate everything you’ve done for me, but that’s as far as it goes.”

Fuck!

This isn’t going as planned. “Forget the date. I’m not asking for a relationship. I’m just asking to see you again, as a friend.” I meet her resolute gaze. “I just want to know that you’re okay.”

“I’ll be okay. Goodbye, Kade. And thank you.” She heads over to the window.

I curse under my breath.

“Vicky.”

She opens the window. I jump up from the bed and in a few steps I join her. I want to touch her but sense that she might not welcome it. She meets my gaze, and that’s when I notice the tears shimmering in her eyes. Realization dawns on me.

Leaving is not what she wants.

The prospect of never seeing me again hurts her as much as it hurts me.

She smiles bitterly. “I can’t see you again.”

She doesn’t protest as I wrap my arms around her and pull her against my chest. “I won’t give up on you. I won’t give up on us. Agree to meet me, Vicky, and we’ll take it from there.”

“You’ll give up eventually.” Rising up on her toes, she places a soft kiss on my lips. For a moment, her heart’s beating against mine, and in that instant, I know I’ll fight to win her heart. Maybe not today. Maybe not in the next six weeks. But there will be a right time.

“Goodbye, Kade,” Vicky whispers.

This time I don’t stop her because for the time being there’s nothing I can do to change her mind.

I watch her as she climbs out the window and I linger there long after she’s disappeared in the darkness.

It’s only after she’s gone that reality hits me.

She hasn’t agreed to seeing me again. Not because she doesn’t want to. Not because we’re different. But because she’s probably right—to some extent.

There’s no guarantee that we’d work out.

I have to let her face the real world again before I can expect any promise from her. And there’s also the fact that I still have to face my own demons—our demons.

The trouble is…I don’t mind.

What I can’t face is the possibility that she might never change her mind. I set my jaw and return to the bed as I ponder over possibilities.

But there’s only one outcome that appeals to me.

I’ve never wanted a woman more than I want Vicky.

This is no longer a mission to fuck her.

I have only one quest now: to make her mine.

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