Page 139 of Counting On You

Chapter Thirty-Eight

Vicky

What happenswhen love gets complicated?

You love hard…and fall harder.

Gravity knows no boundaries. That’s what Kade is to me: my gravity. The one thing I can’t pull away from. He made it all so easy. And just as things were about to take a great turn, a single mistake tore him away from me.

But have the few weeks we spent together changed anything? Made him less of an addict? Less of a person who enjoys the physical side of a relationship, no feelings involved?

Everything feels hopeless. Depressing. Lonely.

I make my way back to our apartment, even though the knowledge that he’s gone is crushing me. There’s no more us. No more of his smile.

I’m going to miss him.

Miss us.

His body. His scent. His warmth. The thousand kisses we shared. The touch of his hand. The way he made me feel complete.

I’ve just left all of that behind, and it already feels like the biggest mistake of my life.

I make sure to lock the door behind me and kick off my shoes, letting my tears flow freely. My mind is broken, torn by my choice of what I thought was the right thing to do.

Refusing to see him again...how could I ever think it might be easy to forget him?

But I have to. For us, for myself.

For the first time in my life, I’m going to put away my feelings, bury them deep in the crevices of my heart. Put away all my hopes, wishes, dreams—anything that involves Kade.

Revealing to him that I was addicted to him was only half the truth.

I’m in love with him; it’s crystal clear now.

At first I wasn’t sure. This feeling of love can easily be confused with obsession or attraction or a need to fill a void. But there’s more to it, and it goes beyond the physical. I fear losing him, but I also want to see him happy. I want him to go his way in life even though that path might not involve me.

My steps are hesitant as I head for his former room. I don’t switch on the lights but let my eyes adjust to the darkness. The bed’s still how we left it—tangled, a mess. The scent of us still lingering in the air.

The memory of us rolls before my eyes. His presence is so strong, I almost expect him to appear in the doorway, sporting his usual sexy smile.

I close my eyes and press a hand against my chest. There’s a dull ache as I recall the look on his face when I said goodbye. I sink into the sheets and inhale his scent.

Kade Wright was perfection—everything about him was.

It’s hard to believe that only a day ago we were living in our happy little bubble. We should have played by the rules, but instead made the night our day.

We never stood a chance. I should have seen right from the beginning that the outcome could only be shattering.

I brush my tears from my face and get up again, but I don’t leave his room just yet.

It was the right choice, I tell myself.

I have to believe that.

Someone new is moving in tomorrow.

I don’t want a new roommate—someone who’ll replace Kade’s scent. But I have no say in the matter.

How long will it take him to forget me? One day? A week?

How long will it take me to forget him? Months? Years? Never?

I have to head back to my room before someone finds me in here, but for the life of me, I can’t find the strength to get up. I sink into the pillows and close my eyes. As sleep is about to engulf me, countless thoughts race through my mind.

I’ll never be the same without Kade, and no amount of denial can hide the fact that I haven’t just lost my heart to him.

I’ve become his. Heart, body, and soul.

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