Page 69 of Counting On You

“Nope, we’ve never done it. He’s always been good at finding excuses. He’s never gone down on me, ever. He says it disgusts him, but demands that I be generous with the BJs.” I close my eyes as mortification begins to course through me, making my skin tingle. “So, no, he doesn’t seem to want sex with me.” I close my eyes for a moment to escape his probing gaze. I couldn’t bear to look at him and see the pity he surely feels for me. “I’m sorry. I don’t know why I’m telling you all this.”

“Because you trust me.”

He sounds so understanding, I open my eyes and take a deep, steadying breath, unable to stop. “And then there’s this woman…I think he really likes her. More than me.”

His eyes narrow. “You suspect he’s cheating on you?”

I shake my head. “I’m not sure. Not with her, anyway.” I meet his questioning glance and decide I’ve told him so much, why not go a step further and spill everything? “I’ve created a fake profile. Now he thinks he’s talking to this model instead of me. But if things were different…if it wasn’t a fake profile…I don’t know if he’d go for it for real. It sure looks like he would.”

I feel ashamed at admitting that, yes, I was insecure enough to set up a trap. At the same time, I don’t regret it.

“Want to show me?” Kade asks.

There’s no judgment, no shock.

I take my time. Finally, I retrieve his phone and pull up the fake account. Kade takes his time reading Bruce’s comments and messages.

I hold my breath as I wait for his reaction. Eventually he says, “This doesn’t sound right.”

“What?” I lean into him to glance at the tiny screen.

“The part where he’s flirting with your fake account. It sounds like he’s playing mind games.” He holds up the cell phone to let me see.

“He isn’t playing mind games.” I don’t know why I’m defending Bruce. Kade looks at me dubiously, and I cringe at the way I must look to him. “Here I am, protecting him and taking all that shit for him, and how does he repay me? By trying to hook up with a model and posting photos of him and his ex for everyone to see. Is something wrong with me? Am I not sexy enough? Should I start starving myself so I can compete with whatever it is he likes? I’m so fucking sick of this bullshit. I just want it all to stop. Come on, say it. I’m a pathetic stalker.”

Smiling bitterly, I brace myself for his hard reply, for his judgment. When none comes, I search his face, trying to read the signs that aren’t there. He’s staring at me intently, listening to every word.

“Is that why you were upset back in there?” His question takes me by surprise.

I laugh. “You just won’t drop a topic, will you?”

“Never,” Kade says, returning my smile. “You see, I’m trying to understand your circumstances.”

His fingers brush mine gently. I peer down at our hands and feel the heat rushing to my face.

“I don’t think you’re unattractive at all. I think this guy is a goddamn idiot for not seeing how sexy you are,” Kade says quietly. “No man in his right mind would turn you down. There’s something wrong with him.”

“He probably thinks I’m bad in bed,” I mutter. “That’s what’s going on.”

He frowns. “Don’t take the fucking blame for this motherfucker. Guys like him disgust me.”

“You have no idea what he’s going through, Kade. You don’t know him. He’s had a lot of stress in his life.” I don’t know why I’m back to defending him.

“I almost give a fuck, but only almost.” Kade lets out a laugh. “Is he sick? In prison? Does he have any balls at all?”

“Stop being sarcastic, Kade.” I close my eyes, wishing I had never started. My anger’s returning, but it’s not addressed at Kade. It’s addressed at myself and my inability to stop finding excuses for Bruce’s behavior.

“You know, the more you talk about him, the more he sounds like a motherfucking coward who doesn’t deserve one part of your body, let alone the entire you.” Kade leans forward. “This guy doesn’t deserve you, Vicky.”

“You don’t know him,” I repeat and take a deep, shaky breath.

He sighs. “Alright. We’re going around in circles. You didn’t answer my question. What’s so special about him?”

Ah, why won’t he just drop that stupid question? I want to say “everything,” and yet I can’t because it’s not the truth. When I don’t reply, Kade asks, “How come someone as confident as you fell for this piece of shit? Do you enjoy people treating you like crap?”

His statement makes me feel as though a rug’s just been pulled from under my feet. My hands begin to shake. I press them between my knees to hide it. “Shut up.”

“Vicky,” Kade says, his tone softer as his hands clasp around my chin, forcing me to look at him, “why would you want to be with someone who doesn’t treat you the way you deserve to be treated? Just answer the question.”

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