Page 80 of Wild For You

“It’s her I miss the most,” Cash whispers. “It’s her I have to thank for who I am. For years, she was the light in the dark. She was the one who made sure we grew up okay when my father started drinking. If it weren’t for her and Margaret, none of the Boyd brothers would be who we are today.”

His fingers brush over the gemstone absentmindedly, reminding me of his generous gift. “I’m not perfect, Erin. I’ve made my fair share of mistakes.” His eyes meet mine with the kind of intensity that takes my breath away. “You’re important to me which is why I’m telling you all this. I just wished you’d confide in me, too.”

I blush. “Why would you say that?”

“Because I know you’ve had a difficult past.”

My eyes narrow at his choice of words.

“I’ve read the report about what happened to your boyfriend,” he answers my unspoken question. “I know you’re afraid you’ll get hurt again.”

I take a large gulp of air as waves of anger shoot through me. “How did you—”

“Find out?” He shrugs, as though it’s not a big deal. “The police report. I always take the liberty to look into the people who work for me…or move into my home.”

Which makes sense. If I were him I’d probably do the same. Besides, it’s not like he made a secret out of it. He already revealed that he looked into my credentials. Reading the police report would be the next step to take.

“So you know about my ex.” My anger’s slowly dissipating, replaced by relief.

He knows, and yet he still wants me. He doesn’t think that I’m a monster. How could he when he doesn’t know the whole truth?

“It happened a few years ago. And it’s not like it’s a secret. His accident made the headlines, and my name was mentioned a few times.” An accident that caused his death. “Teen DUI tends to get a lot of coverage. The truth is he was a really good driver.”

He looks at me. “Do you think he did it on purpose?”

“What? I don’t know,” I lie. “He might have been distracted. Maybe something on the side of the road, like an animal or his cell phone.”

We fall silent. This is the moment where I could tell him everything, pour my heart out as he did. But something holds me back. I want him to drop the subject. I want all those memories to go away, if only for the time being.

“Do you still love him?” Cash asks gently.

The question comes so unexpected I almost choke on my breath.

“Do I still love him?” I shake my head. “Did I ever?” I turn away, avoiding his gaze. I could leave it at that, but I won’t. Cash has told me so much about his life. It’s only fair that I tell him something about mine. “I never loved him, but I cared for him.” My voice is trembling, the truth too heavy, the burden suddenly too heavy to carry. I’ve kept it locked inside me for so long that it’s poisoned my heart. I need to let it out, even if it means the end of Cash and me.

“He was my best friend,” I continue slowly. “We had known each other forever, so it was only natural that we started dating. The day I lost him, I didn’t just lose my boyfriend. I also lost a friend.”

Tears gather in my eyes again, but it’s not the pain that’s too unbearable to keep inside. It’s the guilt that’s weighing heavy on my chest.

“The newspapers described me as this distraught girlfriend, but the truth is I broke off our relationship that day.” I feel so horrible I don’t even look up as I continue, “I told him that I didn’t love him the way he loved me. That I only cared for him as a friend, and nothing more.” I draw a sharp breath, but no oxygen reaches my lungs. “I told him that I wanted him to move on, that he deserved someone who loved him the way he needed to be loved.” I shake my head. “He didn’t take it too well.”

“Was it the truth?”

I look at him and nod gravely. “Yes. He was nothing more than a good friend. I tried to be gentle, but maybe I could have chosen my words more wisely. I don’t know. For a long time, I felt guilty. Guilty that I didn’t return his feelings when I should have. Guilty that I didn’t stop him from driving away. Guilty that he died barely an hour later. Guilty that I chose to reveal my true feelings rather than keep my mouth shut. If I hadn’t been so selfish, he might still be alive. Who knows?”

“It’s not your fault, Erin.” Cash pulls me into his arms, cradling me to his chest, his warmth comforting. “Who knows what happened on that road? For all you know, he tried to avoid hitting a wild animal. Or he was so drunk he passed out.”

“Maybe,” I say, unconvinced. “But I still can’t help myself thinking that I could have handled things differently. I should never have broken things off the way I did. He was a good guy. I was too harsh, and he didn’t deserve it. I just couldn’t help the way I felt. I—” I struggle for words. “—I felt like I was leading him on, and I didn’t want that.” My throat chokes up again. “He was always driving too fast because, in so many ways, he was a risk taker like you. He’s the reason why I became a physical therapist. I wanted to help others, if only to amend my mistake.” My fingers move to the necklace. “I can’t accept this, Cash, simply because I’m not worthy of it.”

“I want you to have it,” he says, stroking my cheek gently. “My mom used to say it was her good luck necklace. She wasn’t wearing it on the day she died. I wish she had.” He meets my glance, and something passes between us. “I want a part of me to stay with you for as long as you want it.”

“Why?” I whisper.

“Because I love you, Erin.” His words are soft, but heavy with meaning.

For a moment, I forget to breathe. I forget where I am. All I see is a beautiful man who’s just told me that he loves me.

After everything I’ve revealed to him, his feelings haven’t changed.

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