Page 16 of A Lapse in Time

Her shoulders dropped as her eyes watered. She opened her mouth but quickly closed it. Her expression was tormented, as if she didn't know what to say.

With her head down, she twisted her wedding band. "Can you sleep with me tonight?"

Noah lookedat me with surprise etched on his handsome face. My heart pounded so hard in my chest that it was no wonder he didn't hear it. I didn't know why I was so nervous about asking him to sleep with me, but I was. Maybe it was because we were strangers, at least to me.

It wasn't like I asked him to have sex with me, even though I wasn't opposed to it. After all, he was my husband.

Oh, God. What if I forgot how to have sex? He's going to leave me.

"Are you sure?" Noah's question jolted me from my spiraling thoughts.

I looked into his eyes and saw the uncertainty swirling in them.

"Yes, Noah. I'm sure."

"Okay." His upper lip slightly curled upward.

He stood from the couch and then helped me up.

“I'm not sleepy, but I do want to lie down."

I had a good time with him, and I wanted us to spend more time together reconnecting.

"Okay. I'm going to grab some water and make sure everything is locked up. How about you go upstairs and get ready for bed? I'll be up shortly." Noah hesitated for a second before he leaned forward and kissed my forehead.

Warmth spread through me at the small gesture. "Okay."

I left Noah standing in the living room and headed to our bathroom. It bothered me that Noah felt like he had to tiptoe around his house. Every time I looked at him, he seemed so unsure about what to do. I noticed this while we were at dinner and then again when we got home. It felt like he wanted to touch me more or kiss me but was too afraid to. I wish he had because I wouldn't have stopped him. I wanted him too, but I was afraid to initiate it. I wondered if I had ever initiated sex with him before. I had so many questions.

Once upstairs, I went into the bathroom and turned the shower on. I tied up my hair while the water warmed up, then discarded my clothes. At least I didn't forget how to protect my hair. That would have been a disaster. I chuckled, even though it wasn't funny. Nothing about this situation was funny, but I had to laugh a couple of times to keep myself from crying.

Once the water was warm enough, I stepped into the shower. As the water ran over my body, I bowed my head and prayed.

"Dear God, please guide me and my husband as we transition into this new space in our lives. I pray he doesn't get frustrated with me and leave me. I pray we can get through this thing together. I don't know if I will ever get my memories back, but I pray that I can at least make new memories with my family.I thank you for allowing me to live another day, even if it's different. I pray I don't lose my husband or my child."

My shoulders quaked as I cried. I sank to the floor of the shower and let the water run over me as tears continued streaming down my face.

"You won't."

I jumped when I heard Noah open the shower door. I looked up at him when he climbed into the shower and got down on the shower floor with me. A lump formed in my throat, and I couldn't stop the sob that escaped me when he pulled me into his arms.

"I'm not going anywhere, Carsyn. I know things are different for us now, but that doesn't mean shit to me. You see this?" He held up his ring finger and showed me the black band he wore. "This means we are tied together for life, and every lifetime after this one. There has and never will be another woman I love as much as you besides our daughter." Noah's voice was low but thick with emotion.

I rested my head on his chest and cried. I didn't want to cry so much, but maybe I needed it. In the blink of an eye, my entire life had changed, and I hadn't mourned the loss of all those years. My body shook against him as I cleansed myself of the hurt of losing everything. I had no idea who I was anymore. I didn't even know what I would do the next day because I didn't know what I normally did. I knew I couldn't fight again.

"I got you," Noah whispered as he rubbed my back.

I wasn't sure how much time had passed when Noah lifted my chin and made me look into his eyes. The water wasn't as hot as it was, and we hadn't even washed up.

"I love you, Carsyn. If you don't remember anything else about our relationship, always remember that I love you no matter what. That will never change." He leaned down andplaced the softest kiss on my lips. "Okay?" I nodded. "I need to hear you repeat exactly what I said."

"You will love me no matter what."

He smiled and kissed me again. "Let's get washed up before the water gets cold." Noah helped me up from the floor.

Once we were on our feet, he grabbed my body wash and washcloth. "Do you mind if I wash you up?"

"No, I don't mind."

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