Page 33 of A Lapse in Time

I stretched out my hand so she could shake it. "Nice to meet you. You can call me Noah."

"Okay, Noah. You can call me Morgan. I think it makes people more comfortable when we are on a first-name basis. We can head to my office."

I followed behind her until we entered her office. I liked that she had multiple seating options. I chose to sit on the couch since it looked the most comfortable. The office had a homey feel, and I was glad. I didn't like it when offices felt like… an office. There was a difference. Some places were cold and dreary, but this one relaxed me. I guess it made it easier for people to open up when they were comfortable.

Dr. Mitchell sat in a chair across from her with a pad and pen in her hand. I looked around the room and noticed her accolades on the wall.

"What brings you in today?" She got right to it.

I ran my hand down my pant leg. I was a little nervous about sharing things with a stranger, but I had to do this for my family.

"My wife. Well, I suggested my wife come, and she said I should as well. I was against it at first, but eventually I agreed. She also told me how good she felt after attending, so here I am."

She smiled and wrote something down.

"Okay. Why do you think she suggested it?"

I was sure she and Carsyn talked about it, but I understood her wanting to get things from my perspective.

"Because Carsyn doesn't remember anything about me besides the crush she had on me in high school. She doesn't remember our daughter, either. The thing is, she doesn't seem like she doesn't remember. She kinda just goes with the flow if that makes sense. Like, she asks questions, and we show her pictures and stuff. She doesn't seem as confused as I thought she would be. To be honest, that worries me. I feel like one day she's going to leave me."

"Why do you feel that way?"

"I can't explain it. She's told me she loves me and wants to be with me, but something in my brain isn't registering that. Everything changed in a matter of seconds, and I'm afraid of itchanging again at some point. I can't lose my wife." I shook my head as a tear fell. "I just can't."

Dr. Mitchell was quiet for a few minutes, but I noticed her writing something in her notepad. She passed me the tissue box and gave me a minute to compose myself.

"Have you expressed these feelings to her?"

"To a degree, but not completely."

"Maybe you should start there. Also, it's easier said than done, but the only thing you can do is let things naturally progress. Have you had thoughts of her leaving you before the incident?"

"Not at all."

Carsyn and I not being together was never something that crossed my mind before. I always knew that we would be together until one of us was six feet under. I wasn't sure why I felt like she would leave now. It seemed like she was a different person, but at the same time, the same.

"From the way it sounds, you love your wife a lot, and it seems she feels the same. All you can do is be patient with her. Also, continue to treat her the way you did before the incident. You can't wait for the other shoe to drop because from where I'm sitting, it's never dropping." Dr. Mitchell offered me a closed-mouth smile.

I rolled my shoulders to release the tension in them.

"You've been a stay-at-home dad and are now taking care of your wife, right?"

"Yes, and I love it."

"But? I can tell there is a but there.”

I never admitted to anyone else what I felt at times.

“Sometimes, I feel like I’ve lost myself. Don’t get me wrong, I love taking care of my family, but lately, I’ve felt like I’ve lost my spark. I don’t do anything for myself anymore. I hung out with my cousin at the gym a few days ago, and I missed being there.”

“I have some homework for you. Talk to your wife about how you have been feeling about everything. I also encourage you to rediscover who Noah is besides a father and husband. If you have to bring family members in to help, then do that. I want to see you back in a week.”

“A week it is.” I stood from the seat and shook her hand. “See you next week, Morgan."

She nodded, and I left.

I stopped at the front desk to make my appointment for the following week before leaving. She suggested I talk to Carsyn about how I felt, and it was a good idea. I've said it multiple times. I didn't want to lose her, but we hadn't had a real sit-down about it. I needed to express everything I'd kept bottled up since the day she was injured. I would also talk to her and our families about me going back to work, even if it was just a few hours of the day. I needed to be the best person to myself before I could be the best person for my family.

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