Page 34 of A Lapse in Time

By the time I got home, I felt better yet anxious to talk to Carsyn.

Noah seemedto be in a good mood when he came home from his therapy session, so that was a good sign. I didn't think it would be bad anyway because Dr. Mitchell made it easy to talk to her. She just had this calming spirit about her.

We agreed to talk once Nia was in bed, and baby girl was knocked out. While Noah was gone, I took Nia on a walk. We played at the playground, and when we got back home, we worked on her numbers and letters. I hadn't driven since before the accident, and I was afraid to. I wasn't sure if I knew how to. I didn't mention it to Noah because it wasn't something I thought about doing. I was okay with being home and having Noah drive me around if I needed to go anywhere. There were a few storesclose enough to our house for me to walk to, and the park was within walking distance. I didn't have anywhere else to go.

"Is she asleep?" Noah asked when I went back downstairs.

"Out like a light," I confirmed as I walked over to the couch to sit next to him.

After I bathed Nia and read her a bedtime story, she was knocked out. I made sure the monitor and her night light were on before partially closing her door. She normally slept the whole night, so we weren't worried about her waking up.

"Good. I know you guys had a long day."

"So did you. Are you ready to tell me about it?"

I tucked my legs under me and covered them with the blanket he had gotten for me. Every chance I got, I looked at the pictures covering the blanket. It made me happy that I was loved by everyone, but it also made me sad that I couldn't remember any of it. I tried not to dwell on it too much because things were perfect the way they were.

"Yeah. We talked about how I've been feeling since everything happened. I realized that what I've been feeling is all in my head and no reflection of you."

"What are you feeling?"

"That you will eventually leave me. I know I said it before, and you said you weren't, so I don't know why my brain won't register that. It's like everything changed, but at the same time, it didn't. You haven't treated me any differently than you did before. Still, there's this fear."

I moved closer to Noah and put my hand on his knee. My heart broke about him feeling like that because I thought I did a good job at showing him I wanted to be here.

"Is there something that happened that you are afraid of me remembering that would cause me to leave?"

"Hell no. I've never done anything wrong to you. Granted, we might have had slight disagreements, but it was nothing big.I would never do anything to risk losing you, Carsyn. You mean the world to me, and there is nothing worth jeopardizing our love for."

"I need you to get out of your head. I know I don't remember anything, but how you've been treating me is worth being here. The things I remember are the things that mean everything to me. You've sacrificed for me to have a career by staying at home with Nia, so now I want to do the same thing for you. I want you to start training again and being at the gym with Evander. I know you miss it. Nia and I can spend more time bonding, at least until I figure out what's next for me. Either way, you and I are in this together. If anything, I thought you would have left me after I didn't remember you."

Noah's worries were understandable, but I had those same fears. I just tried not to talk about them because it didn't matter. He showed up for me every single day, and I couldn't complain about that. Nothing in the past mattered to me, either. If something happened and I didn't remember it, it wasn't for me to worry about. My focus was on the here and now.

Noah grabbed both of my hands and squeezed them. "You don't know how much it means to me for you to say all of that. Maybe I'll start back at the gym two days a week. I want to make sure you and Nia are good."

"Noah, we will be fine. I do need you to teach me how to drive again, though." I giggled.

"I got you. We can start tomorrow."

Driving made me nervous, but I was ready. I wanted to feel independent again. I probably still would ask Noah to drive me around, but I at least wanted to know how.

"Tomorrow is fine. I also don't want to fight again, but I want to work out like I used to. Maybe not getting up at five in the morning, but I want to stay in shape."

I squealed when Noah picked me up and placed me on his lap. My arms instantly went around his neck.

His arms reached around me and squeezed my butt.

"Trust me, you are in perfect shape, but you can come to the gym with me some days if you are up to it. If not, we can do some workouts at home. Whatever you want to do, we can do. I'll give you the universe if you want it."

"I'll take you loving me." I leaned forward and kissed him.

"I can do that," he vowed when he broke the kiss. "Let me show you." He smirked, then kissed me again.

Noah flipped us over, then proceeded to make love to me on the couch while our baby slept soundly in her room.

"Are you ready?"Noah asked as I buckled my seat belt.

I gripped the steering wheel tightly because I wasn't sure if I was ready, but there was no going back.

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