Page 42 of Secrets & Curses of Fate

“Let’s go to the house and get you warm,” Sara said as she came up on the other side of me, wrapping her arm around my shoulders. I nodded, and together, we walked in silence to the house, like we all died with Haden. This was all wrong.

Everyone was crying, but somehow their focus was on me, like I was going to die next. Gods can’t die, but right then, I wished I could.

I sat on the couch, not remembering anything about the walk there. Haden’s perfect face plagued me. It was only this morning that he asked me to marry him. Why did that feel like a lifetime ago? I twisted the ring on my finger as our last morning together played out in my mind. Every kiss, every touch, and every word repeated like my own personal hell in my mind. He was sad yesterday. I should have stayed with him instead of going to work. Maybe that would have changed the outcome of today. I shouldn't have gone home to get clothes; I could have saved him from those cloaked fucks that attacked him.

I should have protected him. It was my fault he was dead. If I would've been with him, he'd be alive. Guilt was clawing its way through my mind and soul. The love of my life died, and I had to live an eternity without him.Please take me with him. I do not want to live without Haden.

I did not realize anyone was talking to me until Sara knelt in front of me, breaking my trance on the wall.

“Ardella, can I run you a bath? You are shaking.” Her eyes were red from crying.

I was going to say no, but I was covered in blood—Haden's blood. I nodded, and she squeezed my hand tightly. She disappeared but came back a minute later, helping me off the couch and walking me to the washroom. Sara looked at me struggling to get the clothes off and cried silently as she helped me. My gaze immediately glanced in the mirror at the snowflakes marked into me. I had to look away from the sight because a memory of Haden's big grin made me want to cry. He would never smile again.

Sara helped me into the tub and didn’t leave my side. She helped wash my hair and hands. Then she just sat with me as I stared at the water. I pulled my knees to my chest and rested my head against them.

“What am I supposed to do?” I asked Sara softly.? "How can I exist without the other half of me?"

Her tears fell quicker at my question. “I don’t know,” she choked out. She tried desperately to hold in her sobs. "Thank you," she whispered.

I looked at her, confused.

"For saving Holden." Her eyes filled with guilt. "I will never take anything about him for granted again."

I nodded because I could see in her eyes that she wanted to say more, but she didn't need to.

Sara sat with me for a bit longer before she left to find me clothes. When she shut the door to the washroom, I heard a loud sob escape her. Once her footsteps disappeared, I stood up, wrapping a towel around me and slipping from the washroom. I hesitated when I got to Haden’s bedroom door. Slowly, I pushed it open, and his scent hit me.

I walked to the drawer of clothing and pulled his clothes out, slipping on a tunic that covered all of me. Then I turned and slipped into his bed. I closed my eyes as I pulled his extra pillow against my chest, pretending that it was him lying next to me.

Chapter 12

Della

“Ardella?” I heard someone calling for me in the distance. I shook my head to stop zoning out on the wooden coffin in front of me. It had been Holden calling me. I had stopped walking with them without realizing it. Holden and Sara both looked back at me to see if I would start walking again. When I didn't move, they both moved toward me.

Haden’s body was in the pine box in front of me, and it made me feel queasy.

“I don’t know if I can do this,” I whispered. I took a step backward, but Sara gripped my hand. She had helped me get ready this morning in a pretty black dress that Haden would’ve loved. I stared at the heels I wore. Haden wouldn't be here to carry me anymore when I needed him to. My eyes closed tightly as the memory of him carrying me to our home for the first time slipped through my mind. I was desperate to get swept away in the memory—the way he felt holding me, the way he kissed me. He had been so happy to show me the house.

“You can go as slow as you need to,” Sara encouraged me, pulling me from the memory. I watched Penelope and Henry at his coffin, talking to him—saying goodbye. It had only been three days. Three. And I had an existence more to live without him. Penelope and Henry moved away from Haden, and I let Holden and Sara step up to say goodbye next. In all honesty, it was because I did not feel brave enough to do this. I wanted to run back to his room and fall asleep in his bed. I never wanted to wake up again if this was my new reality. Sara and Holden turned to me after a few minutes. I swallowed the lump in my throat.

It was my turn to say goodbye.

“I can go with you,” Holden offered.

“No, I can do it.” I tried to convince myself.

They nodded and stepped aside. My gaze immediately landed on Haden’s face. He was too pale as I took a hesitant step toward him. I didn’t know what to say or do. How did I say goodbye to the love of my life? So, I stared at him and how handsome he looked in the black outfit his mother picked. My gaze lingered on his hands, folded perfectly on his stomach. Memories of him holding my hand hit me. Those hands would never draw again. They would never work on a house. They would never trace over my skin. I almost burst out crying at the thought that I did not get to put a ring on his finger and claim him as my husband.

I would never get to marry him or have the big family he always talked about.

I thought we had a lifetime to make memories. Hesitantly, I laid my hand on his chest, where his heart used to beat for me. All of our dreams for the future would now just be fantasies. I closed my eyes and told the heavens if they gave him back to me, I would protect him at all costs. I would do better.

I stared where my hand rested, thinking that Haden's chest would magically start moving again.Please, wake up.But he didn't, and my heart and soul could not fully grasp that reality.

“You were everything, Haden,” I whispered. “Please find me when you come back. Even if you do not look the same, I will recognize your soul.”

This wasn't fair. I wanted him exactly as he was in this life; there was not a single thing I would change. For a moment longer, I admired his handsome face once again—his straight nose that led to kissable lips and a strong jaw with a slight stubble on it. I glanced at his family watching me, unsure how I was supposed to walk away from him.

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