Page 41 of Ghost Girl

‘Why not?’

‘I figured she was happy with Blake. They both deserved to be happy. I didn’t want to ruin that.’

‘Oh, you’re the noble type. Gross.’

His comment, alongside the way he wrinkled his nose in genuine disgust, set off my own laughter.

‘Right?’ Ashe agreed. ‘He totally lost out because he’s too damn kind and selfless. It’s legitimately sickening.’

‘Give me a one-night stand any day,’ Rhodes said.

‘At least I’m not afraid of commitment,’ I teased, and he gasped dramatically.

‘Ouch. Straight for the gonads,’ he joked, but then quickly sobered up. ‘It’s easier not to make deep connections, you know? If I’m going to die, I don’t want to bring someone else in to suffer for my fate. I’m not that cruel.’

‘Shit. Sorry,’ I apologised. ‘I didn’t even think about that.’

‘It’s cool. I made my peace with it a long time ago.’

His admission shouldn’t have surprised me, but the thought of dying was scary, even if I had chosen to face that fate sooner rather than later. ‘You’re not afraid?’

He studied me, but it wasn’t judgmental. Understanding dawned as my plans must have shown on my face. I pointedly avoided looking at Ashe or Gloria, keeping my gaze fixed firmly on Rhodes’. I didn’t mind that he’d figure me out, but I didn’t want Ashe, Gloria, or even Mikey to try to talk me out of it. My mind was made up, even if there was a lingering doubt about jumping feet first into the unknown.

‘Not really. What is there to be afraid of? I’ve known since I was a child that death is inevitable, and that fearing it won’t make it go away. I’ve been surrounded by the dead and dying my whole life. It just is.’

I hummed thoughtfully, processing and internalising his words. There was a truth to them that I hadn’t trulyacknowledged, which was ridiculous considering my choice of career. Or perhaps that was why I had chosen to investigate the paranormal in the first place, and I had only just acknowledged that fact. I wasn’t afraid to die, I was afraid of what happened next, because I didn’t know. I supposed that there was a sort of solace in the compiling evidence that there was, indeed, andafter.

‘Why are you asking these questions, Chance?’ Ashe asked me, her voice pitched ever so slightly higher with her rising panic.

‘You seem awfully calm after learning about Kali,’ Gloria pointed out bluntly. I wanted to wince at her accusation, but the knowledge of my decision kept me from making any outward reactions. Namely, because I didn’t have one.

‘I wouldn’t say I wascalm,’I objected.

‘Then what are you feeling, Chance? Because you’ve just learned something devastating and you’re worrying me with your lack of reaction,’ Gloria accused.

‘I wouldn’t say he didn’t react,’ Rhodes backed me up. ‘That’s twice now I’ve heard him scream with grief as he collapsed to his knees.’

‘Yes, but…’ Gloria began, and then trailed off. What could she really say? I felt a little guilty that I was worrying them, but I couldn’t let that stop me from following through.

Rhodes yawned and stretched his stiff arms over his head as far as he could manage. ‘Well, I’m exhausted. I’m gonna take a nap. You’re welcome to stay as long as you want. Or leave, it’s up to you.’

Then he rose with a groan from the couch and headed for the stairs, grunting with effort with each step. Luckily, there weren’t too many, and we heard his bedroom door close, followed by the squeak of his bed as he climbed in, and then his rumbling snores that let us know he had fallen asleep. It didn’t take long,practically as soon as his head must have hit the pillow. I didn’t blame him. Dying wasn’t for the weak, it seemed.

Ashe moved to take the seat that Rhodes just vacated, snaring me with her laser-like gaze. ‘Talk to me, Chance. I’m worried about you.’

I sighed, momentarily defeated. ‘What is there to talk about?’

‘I know you, Chance,’ she pushed. ‘I know what’s going through your head, because I’ve already talked you out of it enough times. Please don’t make me do it again.’ She scooted closer until she tucked herself into my side, and I moved my arm so I could hug her back. ‘You’re my best friend, and I love you. I don’t want to lose you.’

I pressed a kiss to the top of her head, avoiding looking at Gloria the whole time. She would see right through me if I gave her the opportunity, and the last thing I wanted was to hurt either of them. I knew Ashe would grieve me once I was gone, but she had Gloria and Mikey to get her through it, not to mention a family that adored her and would support her through it. Gloria would be fine, too, since she had the same support system as Ashe. Mikey might suffer a bit more since he wasn’t the most social of men, and losing me would mean losing one of his only friends, but I knew he would be fine.

Blake was my biggest concern. He had already lost his wife. I didn’t want to hurt him by making him lose his brother, too, but Kali… she was everything to me. Some days, I truly believed I loved her more than Blake ever did, because he had moved on when I couldn’t. But perhaps that was a good thing. If he could survive losing Kali and still thrive afterwards, then the same could be said for me.

As for my parents… Well, in all honesty, I didn’t really care. Calvin wouldn’t shed a tear. In fact, he would likely rejoice at finally being rid of me. Mother hadn’t cared about me in a long time, so I didn’t see her crying anything other thancrocodile tears to keep up the image of the grieving mother. Poor Mallory, losing her son that she loved so much. If it were Blake, I didn’t doubt her tears would have been real. I was just the disappointment. The reminder of a life they would all rather forget.

No, they would be fine. Life would continue on without me.

I should probably have been more upset about that, but I couldn’t bring myself to feel anything other than relief. I still needed to speak to Kali, even if it was through Rhodes, but this felt right. More right than anything had in a long fucking time. Exciting, even. Perhaps it would be my next big adventure. And if by some miracle Kali accepted me at her side in the afterlife, in whatever capacity she would take me, then I would happily spend eternity with the woman I loved.

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