Page 19 of Basil

The women, blissfully unaware of the bitterness lacing my words, grinned. “Oh, we’ll be back.”

They left excited with their scarves in hand. The bell jingled behind them.

And then it was justus.

I wasn’t going to wait for him to talk.Oh no!I had shit to do. I walked back to the scarf display to set it right, and that’s when I felt him behind me. His arms came around my waist, and his chin rested on my shoulder.

“Baby, I fucked up.”

I stood still. The air shifted, heavier now, and the scent of lavender and sandalwood from my incense was not able to drown outhis, the one I craved.

He brushed his lips against my skin. I controlled a shiver as the excitement I always felt when I was close to him pervaded my senses. It wasn’tjustsexual, it was emotional—and since my feelings were bordering on rage, I wasn’t feeling particularly carnal.

“I’m sorry it took me so long to listen to you.” His lips brushed against my ear. “I believe you.”

I laughed, sharp and humorless. “What is it that you believe?”

“How my friends are toxic. How Drew and I behaved inappropriately. All of it.”

I felt tremendously sad because it was. He listened to menowafter I left, but not before, which made his reasons for trusting me suspect. “Whatever,” I muttered, aware that I sounded like a teenager.

“Sunshine—”

“Stop, Basil.Just stop.” I felt tears prick my eyes. “You said I didn’t have a spine.” His words, the look of disgust on his face, all of it came rushing back.

“I was wrong.” His voice was raw, like he’d been carrying these words in his soul. “I was so fucking wrong.Pleaseforgive me.”

I never wanted to hurt Basil,ever. But I had to be honest with myself and him. “I’m sorry, Basil but I’m fresh out of forgiveness. I’ve got nothing to give. I’m all out.”

He nuzzled my neck. “No, baby, you’re not. I know you’re not and?—”

“You brokeme.”

I felt him shudder. “God! Sunshine, I’d take it all back.”

“Life doesn’t work that way.” I relaxed my body and let myself enjoy the last time his arms were around me. Someday, I wanted to look back at us with a smile, and that required me to let the bitterness and anger go.

He kissed my neck again. “I miss you so fucking much.”

I missed him, too,so fuckingmuch,but I couldn’t,wouldn’tput myself in a situation where there was guaranteed pain. I’d had enough for a lifetime growing up the way I had.

“I love you, Summer.” His lips brushed against my ear.

I clenched my jaw.

“I love you,” he repeated. “I was an idiot, I know. I’ll do whatever it takes to make this right.”

“I don’t want you to make it right, Basil.” My voice was cold, even as my heart screamed at me to soften.

His body tightened like he was bracing himself. I had to step away from him, I had to create distance between us. I had to…protect myself. But I couldn’t move. I didn’t want to let go of him—of who I thought was my last chance at happiness.Pathetic!

“I accept your apology, but it doesn’t change a thing.” My throat burned, but I kept going. “You treated me like I was an insecure, whiny distraction. You accused me of judging you and your friends, but I never did.”

His breath hitched. “You love me, Sunshine. I know you do.”

He was making this so difficult. I wanted to turn into his arms and let him hold me, to erase years of being alone, to finally have someone on my team. But he wasn’t with me or for me. He’d proven that.

“My whole life I have loved people who haven’t loved me back. My whole fucking life, Basil. I thought….” Tears began to fall, and I couldn’t stop them. “I thought you were the one who’d bewithme,forme.”

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