Page 69 of Valor

“That’s why my brain won’t work. It’s not because I can’t do this.”

“Need some coffee?” Allen’s gentle, deep voice broke through her clouded thoughts.

He should’ve scared her, coming in here all quiet and then talking when she had her eyes closed. But maybe her other senses, those she wasn’t paying attention to, had known he was there. “I’d love some. Thank you.”

“Be careful. Don’t thank me yet. You’ve never had coffee from a police station. We try to make it so thick you need a spoon to consume it.”

“Sounds like my kind of place.” She finally moved her hands from her eyes and opened them. Allen hadn’t slept the whole night before. He was still in the same clothes as yesterday, and now he was dusty from their trip through the Badlands, and he still managed to look good.

He gave her a slight quirk of one side of his mouth, like he was impressed with her. Why did he have to keep doing that? How did he know that affirmation was her love language? He had to stop, or she wouldn’t know what to do. This situation felt like she was being forced to make a choice between her father and the man who would save him. Not fair.

“What? Your face just went south, and I don’t know what to say.” He waited in the doorway.

“It’s fine. Everything is fine. I’m not going to tell you to stop smiling at me. That’s silly. I just need you to...” What? What did she need?

He snorted, then laughed. “Okay, I’ll do my best.” The gleam in his eye said he’d found her predicament funny. Then again, if she were in his shoes, she would too. Who asked someone to stop smiling? She scrubbed her hands up and down her face, hoping to jog something important out of her brain.

She opened her eyes just barely enough to see the paper through her lashes, but she didn’t focus on it. She directed her thoughts to that day, that face. Starting with an oval shape, she drew a very light cross in the center to make sure the face would be balanced, then added the eyes. Wait, he’d been wearing sunglasses. That was the issue. She’d been trying to remember his eyes when there was no way she could.

After a few minutes, his cheekbones were to her liking. She took a deep breath and was startled when a steaming mug of coffee was set in front of her. “I’m really sorry. I put it in a travel mug because we’ll have to leave in ten minutes if we’re going to catch Rod at your house. Tommy will follow us in his squad car, since I have the only unmarked vehicle.”

She set her pencil down. “I’ll bring this with me. I have better paper at home and can correct any mistakes there.” She took a tentative sip of the coffee and almost choked. He wasn’t kidding. It was so bitter it practically took the enamel off her teeth. “Thanks,” her words came out choked.

“Did you scald your throat or clog it? Should I call in help?” Allen’s brow rose, but he didn’t smile at her.

She snorted. “You win. You’re going to make me laugh whether you smile or not. I don’t want to laugh right now. Dad is missing. I’m in danger. I have to think seriously about how to avoid all of this.”

He helped her to her feet, then gently held her shoulders, all while avoiding pressure to her wound. “You also need to find good things to think about. Trust me. As a guy who is in the thick of every investigation in this town, I can tell you that you can’t deal with stress 24/7. You have to find little ways to let it go or you won’t make it to the end. You will make it through this. I have no doubt.”

“But Dad?” She hadn’t really let herself cry, but tears rushed to burn her eyes.

“If that was him in that cavern, he’s alive. Praise God. Let’s get him back.”

She nodded her agreement because now her throat was clogged, and it had nothing to do with the coffee. She headed for the door, since she couldn’t tell him she was ready.

“I’ll grab the keys. Wait by the dispatch window. If you move, an alarm will go off.”

She gave him a salute to tell him she understood. Why did tears have to come now? She’d always been strong in the moment and fallen apart when no one was looking. When Mom died, everyone had remarked how strong she was. That wasn’t true. She just hid her pain behind a wall until she was alone.

Jackie sat behind her desk, but she was on a call and Heather didn’t want to interrupt her. Standing there felt like being on display, even with Jackie working. Come to think of it, everywhere in the sheriff’s office felt impersonal and public. She glanced up and down the hallway, noticing two more cameras that she hadn’t before.

Everything that went on in that building was recorded. They knew she was there and why. That’s why, if she moved, and alarm would go off. She was standing where she’d been directed to. Everyone in the building was where they should be, from the people in lock-up to the cops on duty. It was eye-opening.

Allen joined her and gently took her arm. “Did you get far on your drawing? I tried not to snoop.”

Her chest tightened. Had he seen what she’d done? It wasn’t ready for any eyes but her own. “A little. I don’t want to show anyone until I’m done and know it looks like the guy. I don’t want to put something out that could get someone hauled in for questioning who isn’t the right guy.”

Allen’s shoulder rubbed against hers as he shrugged it. “That happens. Usually they’re released pretty quickly. There’s often information about a case that only the officers know. If a person who is in for questioning answers incorrectly, we let them go.”

“Still.” She didn’t want to be someone who made life hard for an innocent person.

“I appreciate your worry, but we often have to bring in a lot of people before we find the right one. Don’t let that stop you from doing what could be the only thing that’ll help us catch these people.”

He was right. She’d seen his face. He might not be the man behind the thumb drive, but he was connected. Oliver had said he hadn’t looked at the guy because he was too busy watching out for Heather. So, the drawing was up to her. “I’ll finish it. If I feel like it will be accurate, you can use it.”

“Great,” he said as he pulled into her driveway. A squad car parked right behind them in the street. No other cars waited for them.

“I guess he’s not here yet. We’ll give him a few minutes.”

---