Page 78 of And They Were Roommates

The accusation throws me until I filter through my memory bank for times I’ve asked how she’s doing lately and draw a blank. This insulated campus really has become my whole world. So much so that I’ve forgotten who my world was before.

But she was clearly upset at orientation too. Maybe this has been going on even longer. I’ve been focused on monitoring Delilah’s feelings over my own well-being since the summer I told her I was a boy. Have I simultaneously failed to realize she’s monitoring her own since then too? “I’m so sorry,” I say. “I should’ve asked. I really should’ve.”

Delilah sighs into the speaker. “It’s whatever. I almost said something but decided not to since I assumed it’d be temporary. Once we were both living at Valentine, I thought I could start being real with you again since you’d be done with all of that.”

“Done with all of what?”

“Boy stuff.”

“Boy stuff,” I repeat, confused.

“Figuring it all out, I mean. You’re staying on the campus you always wanted to be as a boy, right? Your life should be easier now. But all your letters just list more problems.”

I nod patiently, even if offense digs its way into my chest. “Dealing with all these problems is still a million times better than dealing with how I felt before the world saw me as a boy, for what it’s worth. I am way happier now. But also, I didn’t necessarily go through with this to make my life easier. Maybe that’s a misconception people have.”

“Yeah. I don’t think I got that.”

“I still want to hear about your problems regardless. We’re best friends. I’m so sorry for making you feel like that wasn’t the case.”

Delilah fakes a gag. “You’re getting too real.”

“Just this once. Promise we won’t hold ourselves back from one another?”

“Fine,” she grumbles under her breath. From anyone else, it would be rude, but it’s exactly what I want to hear when she’s usually too fired up to admit to real emotions. “Cross my heart and hope to kill. Or whatever.”

“Hope to die.”

“Close enough.”

I’m still not sure if this fixes us. All I want to do is hug her and hash this out in person. Maybe we can’t fully be fixed until then.

“If we’re really doing this, then I have a question for you,” Delilah asks. “Why doyoucare about STRIP so much? You sound like you care about their love letters. A lot.”

“About the letters?” I almost laugh. “No. But—They might get in trouble, Delilah, and I think it’s my fault. I can’t bail now. Xavier’s been helping me train for PE too.”

“You two are actual friends?”

Are we? “I don’t know. Maybe.”

Ms. Lyney pops her head through the door. She holds up a finger. One minute.

“Just this once,” Delilah says.

“You’ll help?”

“For you.” She pauses. “And to break some rules.”

Chapter 28PRIDE AND PREJUDICE

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 1

Sitting in the library like every other day these last two weeks, I tap my marker against my forty-eighth blackout poetry love letter. By some miracle, despite STRIP’s waning reputation, a few of my regulars showed up for STRIP Time. After helping Zain, Xuan, and Jack with English literature essays, my brain is fried, but I have two more letters to finish by tonight.

Tonight we risk our sister academy delivery.

I smear my marker across the page as thoughts of Jasper percolate in my mind. Now that he’s taken residence on Xavier’s floor, I only see him in the halls or during class, where he stares out the window, never paying attention yet somehow staying Rank One. When I’m in Dix with Luis or Xavier and Robby, he walks right by. After our fight, he should have plenty of fuel to tell his aunt who I am, but I haven’t heard a word from her. Yet.

Peace from Jasper is what I wanted.

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