Page 108 of A Hard Sell

“Wow.” Luka couldn’t breathe. Was this what it would feel like to be a planet ripped from its orbit, hurled into the infinite darkness of space?

“Yeah.”

“I mean, I guess we knew it was coming…”No. Not now.This time it was so much worse.

Thomas nodded. “My last day is Friday.”

Luka swallowed hard. “Friday.” Two days away. Every cell in his body screamed at him that his world was ending. He wanted to cry. Weep. Throw himself at Thomas and beg him to stay. Curl into a ball on the floor and never get up again. Instead he forced himself to smile and take a shaky breath. “Well, I’ll need your help getting Grand Plains off the ground before you go. Coffee?”

Thomas scrubbed his face. “Sure. Thanks.” He didn’t meet Luka’s eyes as he sat down again.

That night Luka stared up at the ceiling for hours. His heart was being torn in two, a sharp ache in his chest. Even though he had known all along it was going to happen. Even though it was ridiculous to feel like he was losing something he never had. Even though it was better this way. The sooner Thomas left, the sooner he could get over him.

The next two days were the shortest of Luka’s life. The time slipped through his fingers, every hour gone in a minute, every minute taking a second. The seconds evaporated before they even existed. He did his best to grin and joke and get the job done, but the grins ached, the jokes hurt and his brain could do nothing but chant at him,He’s leaving. He’s leaving. He’s leaving.The pain in his chest just got sharper and sharper, until it hurt so bad the tears were always there, threatening to spill.

Tawney organized a goodbye for Thomas at the end of the day on Friday. They gathered in the conference room around a ‘We’ll Miss You, Big Bad Wolf!’ cake. It had the Three Little Pigs waving goodbye and everything. Luka took in everyone smiling and chatting and eating, patting Thomas on the shoulder or shaking his hand, and he wanted to scream at them,Don’t you get it? He’sleaving.He’sgone. He envied the way they had just another weekend stretching ahead of them, instead a dark, yawning chasm of nothing.

As five o’clock approached, people began to head back to their offices to take off for the weekend. Rory gave Thomas a hug, then squeezed Luka’s arm on his way out. Once Ilona had said goodbye and they could avoid it no longer, they made their way back to their office. Luka’s office.

Luka watched Thomas close his laptop for the last time. “So…you’re out of here tomorrow morning?”

“Yup. I’m all packed. Movers come at nine, then train to the airport.”

“Well…stay in touch.”

“Of course.”

The tears stung in Luka’s eyes as he hugged Thomas goodbye. “Take care,” he said as he pulled away, blinking rapidly. “I’ll miss you.”

“Luka.” Thomas swallowed hard.

“Yeah?”

Thomas shook his head, his jaw tight. “I’ll miss you too. I’ll text you once I’m settled.”

“Great. My mom will want to know how you’re doing.” Luka’s voice cracked.

He made it to the elevator before the tears spilled over.

Chapter Twenty-Four

Shall I Stay?

The air in his condo was stifling. Luka went through the motions—dropped his keys on the counter, dumped his bag on a chair, slouched into his bedroom and robotically peeled off his work clothes. He paused to stare in the mirror for a moment, but the empty eyes staring back unnerved him. He frowned at his robe lying on the bed and reached out to run his fingers down the sleeve. It felt cold. Unfamiliar. Wrong. He tossed it into his closet and pulled on some old sweats instead.

He jammed a container of leftovers into the microwave for dinner, but couldn’t do more than slump on his couch and pick at the rice. A new episode ofThe Great British Bake Offdid not help distract him. The contestants were making muffins. Thomas had brought him a muffin. Stood there, gorgeous and perfect, holding out the tray. Luka swore. The tears were back.

How can it hurt this badly?Luka curled up and wrapped his arms around his knees.Thomas was never mine. I never had him. I haven’t lost anything.Except he had. He could see it. All of it. Holding hands with Thomas coming back from the market on Saturdays. Laughing while they made dinner, aprons on and music playing. Thomas’ eyes crinkling while Marta gushed all over him at Christmas. Rolling over in bed to watch Thomas sleep, his dark curls spilling across the pillow…golden brown eyes opening, watching him…

He was going to be sick. The sweet oblivion of sleep was the only thing that sounded tolerable, so he turned the TV off and pitched himself straight into bed without even brushing his teeth. Unfortunately, his brain didn’t get the memo. He continued to torture himself, tossing and turning with ‘what ifs’ for hours.What if I had told him I liked him months ago? What if I never see him again?

What if I had asked him to stay?

At some point he must have fallen asleep, because then he was on a path lined with cherry trees, a carpet of pink petals beneath his feet. He looked around but there was no one in sight, so he wandered, not knowing where to go.

“Thomas?” he called, starting down a path at a slow jog. There was nothing but trees and blossoms and a muffled, unsettling quiet. He ran faster, the pink a blur around him, until his lungs burned. When he stopped, panting, he was right where he had started. He turned in a circle, looking for a sign. “Thomas!” he yelled into the thick silence. “Thomas!” He jolted awake with a gasp.

Oh God…He checked the clock, rubbing his puffy eyes. 9:02. Thomas’ movers would be arriving right now. He stared at his phone resting on the bedside table, fingers itching to send a text. Just something simple. A goodbye, good luck. Don’t fucking leave.Fuck. No. Not a good idea, Luka.

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