Page 110 of Deep End

I choke on my coconut water, and Pen starts patting my back with unnecessary force and glee.

“Why would Vandy miss him?” Bella asks.

“It was just a joke,” Pen says. “No reason.”

Twenty minutes later, I’m threatening to stab her with a dining hall spoon. “Seriously?”

“Come on.” She lowers my weapon with her fork. “It was hilarious.”

“Was it.”

“For me, anyway. You should have seen your lustful little guilty face.”

“Lustful.”

“Or panicked. Mostly panicked. Don’t worry—any day now, Lukas and I will bite the bullet and tell the team that we broke up.”

I scoop up four peas, shaking my head. “Any news about Hot Teacher?”

“Yes, actually.” She plays with a sticker peeling off her water bottle. “He asked me to spend Thanksgiving with him.”

My eyebrows shoot up. “Like, with his family?”

“He doesn’t have much of one. And mine barely remembers that I exist, so they wouldn’t even notice if I didn’t go back to New Jersey. Theo said we could just rent an Airbnb and chill for a few days, and . . .” She shrugs. Not very nonchalantly.

“It sounds like you’re considering it?”

“Well, Ilikebeing with him.”

“Is this . . .” I glance around, shaping my question. “Does it feel like it’s becoming serious, between you two?”

“I . . .” She stares at her plate. “We just have lots in common. It’s a nice change of pace, because of our shared interests. And the sex is amazing. And he’s so easy to talk to, and very affectionate, and really into me, you know? Luk was . . . I mean—it’s a personality thing. His range of emotions is kinda narrow, so . . .”

Are we speaking of the same person?

But she’s known him for seven years. If one of us is wrong about Lukas, that has to be me. Right? “Do you and Theo talk about the future?”

“A bit. Sometimes. He knows that I’d like to dive professionally. He wants to be an academic, but he’s so supportive.” She flushes a little, but there’s a giddiness to her I never noticed before. And it’s possible that I’m a little giddy, too, because in a scenario in which she’s happily and openly dating Theo, she wouldn’t care that Lukas and I might evolve into . . .

It doesn’t matter.

In November, Pen and I spend most of our free time together. Meals, homework, a game night at Victoria’s. We take the train and go to San Jose for a concert. I invite her over, and she’s once again exposed to Maryam (“Absolutely fucking terrifying”). Our next dual meet is in Minnesota, and we wipe the floor with the other team.

“That inward right there?” Coach tells me after my last voluntary dive. The temperature in the pool is lower than I’m used to, and my skin is bumpier than a chicken’s.

“I know, I didn’t get high enough, but—”

“No, Vandy. Look.”

I turn to the scoreboard.Seven. Seven. Seven point five.

“Holy shit,” I whisper.

“Language,” he chides. “But yeah, holyfuckingshit.”

We’re not scored individually, but the result sheet is rightthere, and my name is listed right after Pen’s. For springboard synchro, we’re only three points behind the twins. It’s mostly because Bella’s back has been acting up, but still.

My German test makeup exam is scheduled for the day we get back. After flash-carding throughout the dual meet, I’m optimistic in a reckless, if resigned, way. Afterward, with the sun already set and the lack of sleep making my head heavy, I walk to Dr. Carlsen’s office.

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