Page 119 of Deep End

Scharlach,

Look at you go!

It’s an A. On my exam. “In your face!” I scream—in absolutely no one’s face. “I did it! I didit!” I text Barb a screenshot. Then Maryam. Then—why not?—Lukas, who says,Swedish better be next.

I don’t know why, but it makes me kick my feet.

On the third day, after a long, hushed conversation with her sister, Bella decides to withdraw. “My back’s just too . . .” She shakes her head.

Coach Sima sighs, patting her shoulder. “Not your fault, kid. Stop by PT, okay?”

Watching the twins leave the pool is heartbreaking. Because of Bella’s injury, and because of the wistfulness in Bree’s eyes as she looks back at us. Pen and I finish fifth on the board synchro, as good as we could have hoped considering the competition, but it’s hard to celebrate when Carissa and Natalie take the gold, which means they’ll be heading for Amsterdam.

We don’t stay for the award ceremony that follows the event, even if it’s terrible sportsmanship. Instead we head for the locker room and quickly shower. We’re out before most of the other divers arrive, and because the universe punishes athletes with the afore-mentioned sportsmanship, we cross paths with the two people we care to avoid.

“Hey, Vandy,” Carissa says. “I’ll see you tomorrow at the platform synchro finals. And”—her eyes flit to Pen—“take what I said to heart.”

“You need to stop,” I tell her, squaring my shoulders.

“Stop what?”

“Being rude to Pen.”

Her face hardens. “You know I’m doing you a favor, right?”

“Actually, you’re just harassing us.”

“Yeah?” She takes a step closer. “If this is how you thank me, I hope you get to reap the consequences of your stupidity.”

I smile sweetly. “AndIhope you get explosive dysentery in the middle of a somersault dive.” I brush past her, Pen on my heels. It’s probably the most out-of-character thing I’ve ever done, said, or thought. But Pen is at my side, gripping my arm.

“That may have been the sexiest thing that ever happened to me.”

Oh? “Well, I’m no hero, but . . .” I pretend to dust myself off and she laughs.

“Even better than when she saw me and Lukas hold hands the first time. I swear, her face shattered in a million plankton-sized pieces. Clearly, you and Lukas are my knights in shining armor.” We enter the elevator, and her eyes narrow on me. “Youarequite similar.”

“Me and Carissa?”

“God,no. You and Lukas.”

I laugh. “Believe me, we aren’t.”

“You are both reserved. You get intense about the people you care about. You’re single-minded, and have a solid core of strength and self-confidence. You hide your sense of humor from most people, but are hilarious. And of course you’re both into . . .”

“Kinky BDSM stuff?”

“I was going to say science-y shit. But that, too.”

I shake my head. “I’m not confident at all. Up until two months ago, I could barely dive.”

“Confidence is not about being able to do shit, Vandy. Confidence is showing up, and trying, and not giving up because deep in your heart you know who you are and what you’re capable of.”

Is that right? I have no idea.I do want to be like Lukas, I tell myself later that night, in bed. Somehow, it’s a good thought to settle on. It feels less messy than wanting to bewithLukas.

The following day, during the platform synchro final, Pen screws up her takeoff and sprains her ankle.

“It’s not bad. You’ll be like new in a week or so,” the doctor tells her.

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