Page 136 of Deep End

“What was that?” I ask. His teammates seem to be studying me.

“They wanted to know whether I’d join them for dinner.”

“And? What did you tell them?”

He guides me out, fingers pressed against my upper back. My world coalesces to five points of contact. “I told them that I had better things to do.”

I can tell from the way Lukas touches me that he’s becoming impatient about the long bubbles of time in which we are apart.

It’s possible that I am, too, butheis in charge.Hesets the rhythm.Heis the one who fucks me standing up, my pants pulled down and my back pushed to the wall as soon as we’re inside his room. I’m not at my most lucid, but I estimate it lasts about three minutes. We both come, but he doesn’t stop. When he slips out of me, it’s like being thrown into a freezing lake. Then he turns me around and shoves me face down on the bed.

“I need a minute to—”

“Nah.” He pushes inside me in one thrust. I’m as wet as I could be, but he’s Lukas, and it’s not easy to let it happen. “I’ll fucking tell you what you need.”

He’s been rocking inside me for about fifteen seconds when I come again, a rush of heat spreading through me, my cunt clenching in tender little pulses. I can’t stop. Can’t get myself together.

“You’remadefor this, aren’t you?” His fingers fist at my nape. They take several turns in my hair, until it’s wrapped around his hand, until I feel the brush of his knuckles against my scalp with each tug.

“A beautiful thing. Made for me.”

I nod, and it pulls at my skin. Then he’s moving inside me deeper than before, deeper than ever, and the achy spot he presses against feels like the origin of all pleasures and pains.

“Shhh. You have to be quiet.” I realize that I’ve been making wretched little noises. “I know, baby. I’m right here. Just breathe for me, it’s okay.” I hide my face in the pillow. It smells like cotton and laundry detergent and Lukas. “Be a good girl and bite into that.”

Afterward, when the sun sinks and the shadows lengthen, I lift from the me-shaped spot in his arms, and press a kiss into the sweat gleaming at his temple.Gross, I tell myself, salt clinging to my lips. Except, it isn’t. I’m not capable of perceiving Lukas and his body as anything butgood.

“Should we stop having sex?”

His look is mystified. Offended, too.

“I mean, doesn’t it interfere with athletic performances?”

“Is that a thing in diving?”

“No, but I’m not an endurance or speed athlete.Youare.”

His fingers caress my hair, gentle. His touch always matches what I need. “We’re here without practice, classes, and all the shit that constantly pulls you away from me. I’m going to take advantage. If that costs me a race, so be it.”

I laugh, but my heart doubles in size. “I’m serious.”

“Me, too. I’m making an informed choice. Plus, half of the people here are fucking each other.” His palm is warm against my cooling cheek. “Move your stuff in here.”

“What?”

“Stay in this room. With me.”

“I . . . mine’s only two floors down.”

“Too far.”

“Why?”

“Scarlett.” He drags me down to him. Kisses me slowly, lingering, like getting enough of this, ofme, is a concept not translatable in his language. “You know why.”

“I . . . really don’t.” My cheeks are aflame, as always when I try to lie. Except that I’m not. I don’tunderstand, and that’s the truth.

He nods. Patient. Kind. Serious. “Okay. We’re at a major competition. I won’t ask you to have this conversation right now.”What conversation?“But if you’re ready, I can tell you why I want you here.”

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