Page 146 of Deep End

And wearen’t.

But itis.

Pen’s eyes travel over the place where our bodies make contact, but her smile betrays nothing. “Do you need a ride home?” she asks me.

I freeze. Do I? I assumed I wouldn’t, but . . .

“She doesn’t, Pen.”

“Okey dokey. Luk, can I talk to you for a minute?”

“Sure, what’s going on?”

“Alone,” she adds.

His eyes narrow, but I take a firm step away.

“Let’s talk tomorrow,” Lukas tells her. Not a suggestion. “Scarlett and I—”

“It’s okay. I need to use the restroom.” I smile, too, and exchange another hug with Pen on my way out.

“So happy that you’re back,” she whispers.

“Me, too.”

The door closes behind me, and I tell myself that there’s no reason for the nausea floating in my stomach. They’re friends. Lukas has made it clear that he’s no longer romantically interested in her.

I snake my way through the crowd, but there’s lots of alcohol flowing, and no one notices me. I’m zonking out. Swaying. When I close my eyes, waterfowl honk into my ear.

It’s shitty, leaving a party without telling anyone, but I call an Uber. In the back seat, I shoot Lukas a quick text, and that’s when the floor flips out from underneath me.

His renamed contact readsLUKAS SCARLETT.

CHAPTER 56

I’VE BEEN HOME FOR ABOUT AN HOUR, SHOWERING AND UNPACKINGand scowling at the chore chart Maryam crafted in my absence, in which all activities are magically listed undermyname, when I hear a knock.

Lukas stands tall in the doorframe, hands in the pockets of his jeans, dark circles covering his freckles. Serious and tired and silent.

I don’t know what to say, so I stay quiet.

There’s no reason for him to be here.

No reason for me to let him in.

No reason to take his hand and guide him to my bedroom. No reason for any of this, but still I burrow into the curve of his throat, and fall asleep with his scent in my lungs after just a few seconds.

CHAPTER 57

THIS WINTER QUARTER I’M TAKING THE LIGHTEST POSSIBLEacademic load, to offset training and championship season travel, which is all going to happen between the end of February and May.

Pac-12.

Zone E meet.

If I qualify: NCAA.

It should feel overwhelming, but on the first practice after Amsterdam it just . . . doesn’t.

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