Page 148 of Deep End

I nod, relieved. Pen just got dumped. She’s emotional. Iknowshe didn’t want to be hurtful.

But then she adds, “I’m just wondering if I made a mistake, that’s all.”

“A mistake?”

“By breaking up with Lukas. I mean, he and I have been through so much, and hegetsme, and . . .” Her head cocks. Her eyes on me are almost pleading. “Are you two . . . It’s mostly sex, right? You’re not officially dating.”

It would be an indisputable lie, to say that what’s between me and Lukas ismostly sex.

However. As much as it hurts to admit: “We aren’t officially dating.”

Not that it matters. I don’t need a stamped certificate to know that Lukas cares deeply about me, and that what we have is real. The problem is, Pen’s relief at my words is so obvious, I doubt that right now she’d be capable to accept any of that.

She’s hurting. I’m her friend. I can keep the truth to myself for a little longer. Put her first, just for a while.

“He’s right, by the way,” I say, squeezing her hand back.

“Who?”

“Lukas.” I smile. “ItisTheo’s loss.”

She lays her head on my shoulder, and I do my best to joke and laugh while walking to dryland training. Once we’re there, I excuse myself and go find the coaches.

It will be all right, I tell myself.

Pen feels rejected, maybe for the first time in her life. She’s fragile, and needs her friends’ support. She doesn’t love Lukas. Lukas doesn’t love her. That relationship is over.

It’s just not a good time to point it out.

And I have more important things to worry about, too.

“Coach Sima?”

He doesn’t look up from the piece of paper he’s reading. “Yeah?”

“I’d like to discuss the possibility of making some changes to my training program.”

CHAPTER 58

DO YOU HAVE TO BE KIDNAPPED FOR IT TO BE STOCKHOLMsyndrome?” I ask. “You shouldn’t, not if the guy you fell foragainst your willis Swedish.”

Sam seems unimpressed with my mastery of psychological constructs. “Does being in love with Lukas make you unhappy?”

“No. Just . . . guilty.”

“Because of Penelope?”

Her name has been coming up a lot during my therapy sessions. “Yeah.”

“And Penelope’s well-being is important for you?”

“Of course. She’s the closest thing to a best friend I’ve had in . . . ever.”

“She hurt you, though. The other day.”

“She didn’t mean to. She was just . . . careless. Because she is hurting, too.”

Sam nods. “Is she the reason you’ve been avoiding Lukas?”

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