Page 55 of Deep End

He took my sheet when he left, which means that I cannot stretch the two lists side by side and spend hours on an in-depth comparison. But that’s not necessary, because I remember every single thing I wrote. And Lukas’s—it could be the mirror image of mine.

What I want done to me, he wants to be the one doing it.

Oh, I think.

Oh.

Suddenly, the kiss in the library makes lots of sense. I roll into my pillow, smile, and fall asleep that way.

CHAPTER 24

THE HIGHLIGHT OF MY SATURDAY MORNING PRACTICE ISCoach Sima’s applause after my back three-and-a-halfsomersault tuck, one of my most difficult dives.

“This might be the best goddamn dive I’ve seen in my collegiate coaching career,” he tells me from the deck while I’m still in the pool, wiping droplets from my eyes.

I smile up at him, a burst of the pride I haven’t let myself savor in months neutralizing the too-cold water.

“Which is nice,” Coach continues, “since you gotta make up for the line of zeros you’ll get for your inward dives.”

“Wow.” I elbow myself out of the water. “Can’t believe I fell for it.”

“Me neither, Vandy. Me neither.”

He scheduled individual corrections for today, which means that the twins arrive right as I’m leaving Avery. I wonder if Pen’s turn will be after theirs—and then get a single text from her.

PENELOPE:We need to talk.

The period at the end of the sentence doesnotsound affable. I must have done something terribly wrong, and it could only be onething—which happens to be several inches over six feet and rhyme with Bukas Llomqvist. I stare at Pipsqueak’s pic on my screen saver and forbid myself to spiral.

Send me strength, Pip.

Pen is sitting on the green-despite-the-droughts grass outside the dining hall, eating a red apple. Her sunglasses make her unreadable, but the line of her mouth is somber.

“Hey.” I try for a smile and plop down next to her, canting my face toward the sun. “How are you—”

“Vandy.”

She won’t look at me, but her grip on the apple tightens. Her tone is . . . not promising.

“I’m not sure how to say this without sounding like a total asshole.”

Shit.

“I know it’s probably unfair of me, but I can’t move on until I say my piece.” She turns to me. “And you owe it to me to listen.” Lowers her sunglasses, stone-faced. “Because . . .” She shakes her head, and my heart is so heavy it’ll drag me underground, deep down to the center of the earth, where I’ll deservedly burn, because Pen, whom I’m starting to consider a dear friend, is . . .

Grinning?

“I told you so. I told you so. I told you so—I told you so. Who told you so? Me. Moi. Penelope Fucking Diana Fucking Ross, ladies and gentlemen and nonbinary friends,that’s who!” She breaks into the most uncoordinated dance I’ve ever had the displeasure of witnessing.

I’m going to kill her. “I hate youso much,” I hiss, high on relief.

“No, you don’t, youlooooveme.”

“I just lost twelve years of my life!”

“It’s for the best. Climate change will ravage the earth, and themachine czars will subjugate us to harvest our toes. Anyway, not to repeat myself, but—I told you so.”

I groan and bury my face in my hands. “Did Lukas tell you?”

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