Page 53 of The Himbo and the Lord

“All right then,” he says at last, and so quietly I’m only sure I heard him correctly when he looks at me expectantly.

“Okay, here I go. The thing in the club.” I take a deep breath and remember where I left off and repeat the last bit. “I can promise to never do something like that again. It’s not who I am. It never has been, and I regret it more than anything I’ve ever done in my life. The baggage I’ve had all my life is pretty typical, I suppose. My father has always wanted me to be a carbon copy of him, at least I believed that when we were in Australia. He got married to my mom straight out of college and they started a family right away. He wanted me to do that, he said so. Settle down, get married, get a nine-to-five job, have babies. I’ve known for a long time that’s not what I want. Not only because I’m very gay, but because it’s just not me.

“So for a long time I’ve done everything in my power to avoid anything associated with my dad’splanfor me. It hadn’t been hard because I never met anyone I even remotely wanted to have a serious relationship with, but also because I did so much wild shit in college and grad school, I definitely didn’t have anyone banging on my door and asking me to work for them. But then I met you, and you went toe to toe with me. You were funny and sexy and sweet when you let yourself be, and I only wanted more of you. From that moment in the lobby I wanted you.

“When I woke up the next day and you weren’t there, I actually felt like I’d lost something I’d never get back, and that’s just insane, isn’t it? So I buried it. Deep. And I didn’t tell my friends about you, which was stupid but... I felt trapped before we went on our trip. I felt like I was getting a two-week reprieve from a life sentence and that everything after that trip would be hell. My friends all had jobs waiting for them. Normal, respectable jobs. And I thought I was going to lose them too. I felt like the slightest distraction from our trip would just mean less time with them—less meaningful time with them.

“But they knew I was full of shit the second I opened my mouth when you walked up to us in the club. They showed me how much of an idiot and an asshole I’d been. I didn’t lose them, of course, they’re probably blowing up my phone with texts right about now and we don’t know because I silenced the damn thing. It all just piled up to the point where I couldn’t see anything around me. I couldn’t understand, couldn’t process how you managed to get inside my brain so deeply, so quickly. So that’s the whole, very long story of why I panicked and acted like a grade-A dick.”

I take a very deep breath and look expectantly at Ru, waiting for him to tell me plainly that’s not enough, but his mouth is hanging open and he’s not looking at me like I’m a psycho or an idiot.

No, he’s looking at me like he understands.

“That,” he says eventually, and shakes his head as if he needs it to clear it. “That was a lot.”

“I know,” I say sympathetically.

“You really rehearsed all that? And memorized it?”

I really don’t like how stuck he is on that—it’s embarrassing—but he doesn’t look bothered by it, more... happy?

“Yes, but I might’ve improvised a bit.” The simple truth seems to unlock something for him.

“All right then.” He nods once, then looks down and grabs the fork next to his plate. “Then let’s get this date started.”

The way he says it, the way he looks up at me from beneath his lashes as he takes the first bite... I’ve never felt relief like this.

So for the next two hours, we talk.

I tell him about the conversation with my father that changed everything, and the hunt for a masters in the UK. I tell him about my friends.

He shares less, but does tell me about his flat in London and the small place he has here, though he rarely uses it since it’s so close to his parents’. He moves on from that topic quickly, and I let him, because then he moves on to tell me about Carter and Gabriel and the boarding school he went to growing up.

I laugh at the antics they pulled in their teenage years, and I sympathize when he tells me about his friend Jenna who has a new girlfriend she can’t be seen with in public. An idea for our next date—if he agrees—blooms in my mind at that, but I keep quiet and try to take every second in, to the fullest.

When dinner is over and we’re just behind the doors that lead to the driveway where the limo is waiting to take him back to his place, I know it’s time to put myself out there again.

I step closer, until our chests are almost touching, and I cup his cheek, searching his eyes. I see desire and need, the same as when we were on the other side of the world, but this time there’s something else. Something that gives me the courage to close the space between us and kiss him gently.

His lips part right away, and his hands come up to my waist, gripping the fabric of my shirt tightly. The kiss grows and heats up faster than I’ve ever experienced and I want to take him right there. I want to press him against the wall and get him off just like he did to me on that yacht, but that memory is all I need to get slammed back to the present.

“Ru,” I whisper, sounding as tortured as I feel. “I want us to wait.” I need to get the words out quickly, before I think twice. “Last time we had mostly sex. I want more with you. I want?—”

“I think that’s wise,” he says, and my guess is he’s trying to sound composed but the panting breaths give him away.

“Will you go out with me again, though?” I plead. He winces, and tilts his head in a way I recognize. “It’ll be as discreet as tonight,” I promise.

I know that I have to earn the right to his past. I have to let him disclose whatever he wants whenever he wants and not a second before. It seems like someone’s looking out for me, though, because he smiles at me, melts me with it, and nods.

“Yes. Just let me know when and where and I’ll be there.”

* * *

It’s onlynine days later that I explain the plan to a reluctant Ru.

“But Nate,” he starts, and I shut him up with a finger pressed against his lips.

“Noah, Carter, Jenna, and Alice are all down there waiting for us.”

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