Page 120 of The Lineman

I swallowed against the lump in my throat.

I didn’t want to be left behind again, but I also wasn’t sure if I had it in me to pull away.

Elliot shifted slightly, his fingers twitching where they rested on my hip. His breathing remained steady and deep, his body still completely relaxed.

I clenched my jaw, staring at him.

What would he say if I woke him up right now? If I whispered, “Don’t go,” into his skin, if I asked him what all of this meant?

Would he give me the answer I wanted?

Or would he just give me the same answer every other man had?

That this was good . . . for now.

That it was fun while it lasted.

That I was great, but—

But.

There was always a goddammedbut.

I sucked in a quiet breath, squeezing my eyes shut.

I couldn’t do this.

I couldn’t let myself fall if I wasn’t sure there’d be anything—anyone—to catch me.

But, fuck, I was already falling . . . so damn fast.

Elliot let out a quiet sigh.

It would be so easy to wake him up. To force the conversation, to get it all out in the open, but I was terrified of the answer I might hear—because if he was planning to leave—if this was just something temporary for him—then what was I supposed to do with the way I felt?

What was I supposed to do with this ache?

I exhaled, forcing myself to pull my hand back, resting it on my stomach instead.

I needed to calm down.

I was thinking too much, as I tended to do, spiraling into worst-case scenarios when nothing had even happened yet.

Elliot hadn’t said anything about leaving.

Hell, he’d asked me to stay. To just sleep and hold each other.

That wasn’t nothing, was it?

I clenched my jaw, staring up at the ceiling.

I had to let this be.

Had to let myself enjoy it without overthinking every damn second.

Because right now, in this moment, Elliot was here.

And maybe, just maybe—

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