Page 64 of Brother In Arms

“Don’t you worry about it, your turn’s a comin’,” Dragon said and he didn’t sound happy about it. The other guy, on the other hand, was all too pleased. I heard him give an excited, “Yay!” and the rest of their conversation was lost to me as I made my way deeper into the clubhouse, dread ticking fingers down my spine. They were so casual about violence and I found that so frightening.

Still, I was distracted by the man’s first question. I wondered what they were talking about when it came to my face, and I realized I had no idea, that I hadn’t looked in a mirror yet. I went to the back door and there on my left was a small bathroom. I ducked into it and looked into the cracked mirror above the sink.

A bruise stained my face, the color of old coffee, on my chin by my mouth. I bowed my head and shook my head. It hadn’t been Rush, he hadn’t laid a hand on me despite how pissed off he’d been before he’d left. Before you kicked his ass out, I corrected myself.

Rush hadn’t hit anybody first, I thought to myself. Ken had… Rush had just come in and finished what Ken had started. I shook my head and scrubbed my face with my hands, tiredness making everything a small irritation.

I went back out into the dimly lit hall, switching out the light to the bathroom and squared my shoulders at the back door. I took a deep breath in through my nose and let it out through my mouth and opened the portal into the too bright summer sun. Rush had been right, he had cleaned up the mess made last night regardless of if it’d been my mess or not, and I couldn’t even give him the benefit of hearing him out. I’d been too busy clutching my damn pearls. Ugh…

It took me a minute to let my eyes adjust, not that I needed them. I could hear the sound of tools off to my left and ahead of me; I probably could have found him by sound alone. I followed the asphalt track around to that side and up a gentle incline until I was even with the shop. The first and second bay doors were firmly shut but the third was flung wide open to the air. I could hear what sounded like a hammer and chisel at work and I could almost picture him bent over whatever piece he was working on.

I wanted to see that, for real, not just in my imagination, but I was afraid. More afraid of rounding that corner and having him reject me before I could even say I was sorry. He had every right to… I hadn’t listened to him. I hadn’t even given him the chance to say a thing. It’d serve me right if he told me to fuck right off.

Tears collected on my lashes before I could even round the corner and I didn’t bother to try and dash them away. All it ever accomplished was making them worse, the oils from my skin liked to get into my eyes and started burning which just made them water even more. It wasn’t worth the trouble, so I just stepped around the corner and there he was, just like magic, leaning over a slab of wood, a mallet in one hand and a chisel in the other. He leaned up and lowered the tools to his sides, staring at me through a pair of clear safety glasses.

“Hi,” I murmured and his gaze flicked over me from head to toe.

“Hey.” One word, cautious, suspicious, my heart broke a little more.

Tears welled up hot and fierce and my voice broke when I said, “I’m so sorry.”

Tools clattered to the piece of wood he was working on and he came around it making a beeline for me. He pulled me tight against his chest and kissed the top of my head.

“I’m sorry, too,” he said roughly and my tears turned to ones of relief.

“I didn’t understand, I still don’t, but I want to... Dray showed up this morning and explained some things but this is all my fault. I should have let you talk. I should have just listened.”

“Shh,” he soothed, and held me close. “I hate it when you hurt,” he said with a sigh and I laughed a little brokenly.

“I hate that I hurt you.”

“Water under the bridge, baby. I’m a big boy, I can take it. What’s killin’ me is the shit I said to you. I lost my temper, called you names, and that shit just wasn’t right.”

“I don’t understand something,” I said and I could hear the slight smile in his voice when he said, “What’s that?”

“Why’d you leave me your gun?”

He chuckled faintly and said, “I love you, babe, and loving someone means tellin’ ‘em to go to Hell and worrying the whole time they’re travelin’ on if they’re gonna get there safely.”

I laughed then, I couldn’t help it. It was one of the most ridiculous things I’d ever heard that made perfect sense. I’d been awake all night doing the same thing, worrying on if he made it back here safely. Wondering if it could be fixed, wondering if he hated me…

“It’s the same reason I been out here since I got back, building you a new front door.”

I looked up at him and told him the truth, “I don’t know how any of this is supposed to work. I don’t want to screw up again.”

“Me either,” he said, “but it’s gonna happen. We’re human, baby, and this is part of it.”

I held to him tightly and muttered the first thing that came to mind, “Well then, I don’t want to be a human anymore. I want to be a horse.”

He laughed for real then, a deep rolling laugh that made me smile. It smoothed some of the jagged edges just to hear it but I was far from healed. I was afraid I’d done too much damage for that, and the world in which I lived, the kind of damage that was inflicted by feeling like you slighted someone at a golf game would follow you for years. Keeping you looking over your shoulder waiting for the consequences to appear. What I’d done was unforgivable where I came from, that he was just willing to forgive me, just like that? It was unheard of and usually came with strings attached at some point. I was afraid, and so I told him so, stumbling over my words, trying to make him see.

He leaned back and smoothed some of my tangled hair out of my face, his gaze drifting to the corner of my mouth and hardening for a moment.

“That may be how your rich world works, but that ain’t my world, baby.”

“I don’t feel like I belong anywhere,” I whispered and he tightened his hold on me, giving me a reassuring squeeze.

“Sure you do, you belong with me.”

I looked up at him and he was ready for it, his lips gently finding mine before I could say anything. The kiss so light and so careful, it took my breath away.

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