Page 69 of Brother In Arms

“There is one more possibility,” Dray said.

“What?” I asked.

“Could just have a really bad fuckin’ case of that affluenza goin’ around the country.”

I made a face, “Spoiled little asshole is way more my brother’s speed. I’m pretty shocked he would go so far, I mean, are you sure Ken wasn’t saying just anything to get away from you?”

“That could be, too.”

“Because it’s family, let’s error on the side of desperation. What would make Philip so fuckin’ desperate he would stoop so damn low?” Rush put out there gently and my mother looked positively grateful for him casting the line of hope out there that maybe, just maybe, she wasn’t completely to blame.

“Only one man’s gonna have the answer to that question,” Dragon said.

“Data.” Rush and Dray said in unison.

“Where’s he at?” Rush asked.

“I told you, he was finishing up rigging security gear at Blue Hills. I imagine he’s still there with Trig and Reave. I know the farm hands fixed up a new door frame for Bailey’s front door.

Rush grimaced, “Gonna have to buy one to put in it for now. I ain’t finished with the one I’m makin’.”

“That’s fine,” I said with a smile. It was sweet he had tried to make me a new front door rather than just going down to the local home improvement depot and picking up a new one.

“Only one thing for it, let’s take a ride.” Dragon said pushing to his feet.

“I’ll grab my spare helmet and be right back,” Rush said and leaned in and kissed me quickly on the lips before I could say or do anything. My gaze immediately went to my mother’s whose dark eyes I’d inherited remained shuttered.

“Let’s take a walk, son,” Dragon got up from the table and Dray echoed the movement. I swallowed hard and they left out the front door.

“Dray’s girlfriend is pregnant,” I said, and immediately followed up with, “I don’t know why I just said that.” Actually, I did. I was so nervous about the ass chewing that was likely to come from my mother’s mouth that I would say just about anything that could and would draw fire. Unfortunately for me, it put her on the wrong track when it came to her train of thought.

“Are you pregnant?” she asked and I blinked wide eyed.

“No!” I said startled, which wasn’t precisely true. I was on one of the birth control shots, but Rush and I had been having a lot of unprotected sex. Still, my damn period was ridiculously fickle before the shot. After, it was really hit or miss. I hadn’t had one yet, but that wasn’t too surprising with all the stress… still, I was reminded, I needed to get checked up or take a test, just to be sure.

My mother searched my face, decided I wasn’t lying, and sighed. She turned her face to look anywhere but at me and said, “I was always so jealous of my sister. Hated her, in fact, for a long time.”

“What?” The change of subject was so abrupt I almost couldn’t follow.

“She had the courage to follow her dreams, to do what made her happy. While me? I always tried to do what was right.” She raised her hands and put the word ‘right’ into air quotes.

She laughed, a short, self-deprecating sort of sound and said, “I used to tell her how my children would grow up to be healthy, happy, productive members of society. That I was giving them a better life than she was providing for herself and Dray. I used to tell her I worried about how Dray would turn out, living around such a criminal element. I’m ashamed of that now, but I wholeheartedly believed that I was doing the right thing.”

I swallowed hard. “And now?”

“Now, I feel the fool, but at least I am an honest one with the best of intentions.”

Silence stretched between us for a span of heartbeats while I tried to decipher what my mother was trying to tell me. Finally, I ventured out hesitantly with, “So you’re not mad about Rush and me?”

“I’m not happy, but I’m not angry, no.”

Why!? Why is the fact you aren’t happy with me so absolutely soul crushing?I wanted to demand to know, but instead I just sat there, still, silent, and trying not to let my eyes mist too hard.

“Oh, don’t look at me like that, Bailey! What am I supposed to think? My sister’s involvement with this club is what eventually ended her life! I don’t want that for my only daughter.”

“No, I get it…” I said quietly the first tear sliding free.

“I’m not angry, Bailey. I’m scared. Scared that in my desperation I’ve put you on a path that you can never come back from.”

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