Page 51 of Her Brother's Keeper

“Is there any way toshowhim?” I asked and Pam smiled.

“I don’t think it’s come to scare tactics yet, I would keep it in reserve. Sage is smart, he called me instead of the police, if either you or he were in anyrealdanger I know that he would have called 9-1-1, not his case worker.” Pam looked thoughtful, “Could this be jealousy?” she asked.

Nox sighed, “Hadn’t thought of that, honestly.”

I looked back and forth between them as if I were at one of the world’s most interesting tennis matches. “Jealousy?” I echoed.

“I’ve been spending a lot of big brother type time with Sage lately,” Nox said.

“His coming over here for the sole purpose of checking on you could have upset Sage.”

I put my face in my hands again and scrubbed, doctored my tea as my mind worked the problem and sipped the hot liquid carefully after blowing on it like Pam had done.

“I can see the point.”

“Call him down here, let’s have a chat, shall we?” Pam said and I could tell she was feeling better about all of this. I wished I were.

I went to the foot of the stairs and called up, “Sage Hunter Tracy, get down herenow!”

“Oh dear,” Pam said and looked chagrined and I immediately felt the lowest of the low.

“What?” I asked.

“Let’s not put him on the defensive right off the bat, Angel,” Nox said gently and Pam side eyed him, but nodded in agreement with what he was saying.

God, could I get anything right?

The conversation with Sage did not go well. As was typical lately, it was a whole lot of the three adults, well… okay, two anda halfadults in the room, trying to explain the consequences of his actions and getting nothing but a whole lot of histrionics in return. The entire thing culminated in Sage running back upstairs after screaming at us that we didn’t get him, and we didn’t care about him, the silence heavy after he punctuated his outburst by slamming the door.

Pam sighed and looked at me with sympathy. I closed my eyes and just wanted to die. To melt into the floor and disappear. Nox sighed harshly and I opened my eyes to see him grip the back of his head with both hands, his long fingers laced together as he pulled on his head, bouncing it slightly to give his neck and back a good stretch. Guilt settled onto my shoulders, weighing them significantly.

“I’m so sorry I am screwing all of this up. I just don’t know what to do, I’m doing my best but I’m well aware my best isn’t enough.” I looked at Pam helplessly and she smiled sadly. “I’m losing my brother, aren’t I?” I asked and the tears started.

“No, honey. No, you’re doing a remarkable job with what you’ve been given actually. I don’t think you’re doing anythingwrong, I just don’t think you know how to reach Sage. I don’t think any of us do.”

“Not helpful,” I uttered and I hadn’t meant for it to be said out loud but she answered.

“I know, and I’m sorry.”

I scrubbed a hand over my face and sighed, wilting into the back of my kitchen chair. Pam smiled apologetically and said, “You’re doing everything you can, Maren. Welcome to what it is to be the parent of a smart, albeit somewhat unruly, child.”

“Is he going to be taken, Pam? Are you going to take my brother away?”

She laughed a little, “No, Sweetie. It would take something extreme for that to happen. You’re actually doing fine, you may need to work on your technique a little, but that can’t be learned overnight.”

“If it’s one thing I’ve learned from Archer and Mel? It’s that parenthood doesn’t come with an instruction manual. It’s just a part of life,” Nox said. I turned my head to look at him, where he leaned up against one of the kitchen counters, his arms crossed over his chest. I let my eyes slide over the black crows and roses of his sleeve tattoo and tried not to let the monumental sense of failure swamp me.

Pam sighed, “I’d better get going. Mr. Fisher, it was nice to meet you,” she said and held out her hand. Nox stepped forward and shook it.

“You too, Ma’am.”

“Hang in there, Maren.”

“I will,” I said somberly.

Nox saw Pam out and when he came back into the kitchen it was to me wiping my tears. I confessed to him, “I feel like I’m screwing everything up.”

“Come here, get up here,” he ordered pulling me gently to my feet. He wrapped me in his arms and held me tight and I felt a little more solid, a little more grounded.

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