Page 12 of Between Brothers

Chapter 4

Hayley

“Help me understand,” I said quietly.

We were sitting at a table near the barbecue pits, the spun sugar that had been the dessert to my lunch long since worn off. I had ridden the Ferris Wheel with Blue, watched as Cell tried valiantly, cursing and laughing, to win a stuffed toy from the B.B. gun shooting range. Two of the other Sacred Hearts, Trigger and Ghost, had pretty much mopped up at that game. Blue had murmured in my ear that they had once been sniper partners overseas and I could see their skill.

Now, we were quietly eating what was supposed to be dinner, just the three of us, a large stuffed unicorn sitting at my hip. Cell had redeemed himself at darts after telling Reaver heartily to fuck off before stepping up to do it. He was smiling across the table at me, and it was charming but still it was as if something were missing from it. Everything on the surface polite and super appealing but I’d served these two for over a year now at the diner. I knew that Cell’s mood was mercurial at best and that while he was charming now…

“Tell you what,” he said leaning back and lifting his plastic cup full of beer to his lips. He washed his food down and let out a satisfied ‘ah’ before continuing, “Date us one at a time. Let Blue take you out this week, then let me take you out next week. No need to rush into things all at once.”

I chewed my bottom lip. Despite the strangeness of it, it was a super appealing offer. I was terribly lonely and a date or two couldn’t hurt anything, could it? I looked at Blue who was staring at me intently from across the table by Cell, chewing thoughtfully, waiting to see what I would say.

I didn’t say anything, and neither of them pressed me for an immediate answer, so instead, I took my time and thought about it. I changed the immediate topic to something else to buy myself more time.

“There’s supposed to be live music in the next hour over by the beer garden, I was going to go listen…” I hesitated, I wanted to ask Blue to join me but with Blue came Cell and my basic instinct when it came to the man was to avoid him at all costs. I couldn’t tell you precisely what it was, but women’s intuition, you know?

“Is that an invitation then?” Cell asked polishing off his beer and pushing his paper plate away from him. I felt myself blush and nodding, I cast my gaze to the tabletop to break away from the penetrating and uncomfortable stare he was giving me. I caught his smile widening when I looked away and I realized that was part of what bothered me about Cell. He liked keeping me uncomfortable and off guard and I hated it. The way he looked at me was completely opposite of the way Blue did. When Cell looked at me it was always with scrutiny, like he was trying to decide if I was worth his time or trouble.

The way Blue looked at me, I don’t think I’d ever felt that way before. It was as if he stared at all that was good and beautiful in the world. My heart ached with yearning for so long to have someone look at me the way Blue did, and I wanted it. I wanted to see if he meant it but I was also so very afraid of hurting again. Of being little more than a stepping stone, or another notch in someone’s bedpost.

My love life had been complicated and messy up to this point. A series of one disaster after the next, each one leaving me a little more heartsick and a little more broken than the last. The overwhelming sadness and depression I lived with didn’t exactly help in that regard. If it weren’t for the pills, it’d be a safe bet that I wouldn’t even be able to get out of bed, go to work, and be able to function at all.

“We’d like that,” Blue said softly and when I glanced up at him, I could see a look of warning in his beautiful gray eyes. The look was directed squarely at Duracell, who barely took it to heart, amusement warping his lips into an almost smug little smile that I couldn’t help it… my palm itched with the urge to slap it off his face. Only the fact that I honestly wasn’t a violent person, kept me in check. Well, that and my fear of what he might do.

“What shall we do in the meantime?” Cell asked, giving me a lascivious wink.

I colored deeply and was saved by Melody saying, “Certainly not whatever is on your pervy mind!” Although she said it right behind me without my knowing she was there so it scared the bejesus out of me. I jumped and let out this god awful, little high pitched yelp before I clapped both hands over my mouth.

Cell nearly fell off his bench laughing while Blue, bless his heart, tried in vain to suppress his smile. The difference between the both of them was like night and day. While Cell laughed at me, Blue’s smile encouraged me to laugh with him. I dropped my hands from my mouth and let out an explosive breath.

“Melody, you’d like to scare the life out of me!” She dropped onto the bench beside me and knocked her shoulder into mine.

“Had to make sure you were awake and that these guys weren’t boring you half to death.”

“I am in absolutely no danger of falling asleep when it comes to these two, that’s for sure,” I said with a smile.

“We were going to head home, the boys are getting fussy. I think they’ve reached their limit on fun for one day.”

“Aw, well give them my love and you guys be safe.” I hugged her and she hugged me back hard.

“See you on Monday,” she said and got up.

“See you Monday,” I agreed.

She left and I turned back to the two men I was keeping company with. Blue stood up and stepped out of the picnic table’s bench, gathering up our plates and trash while Duracell slung one leg over the bench and dug in the inside pocket of his jacket beneath his colorfully patched vest that Melody had once told me was called a cut.

He fished out a pack of cigarettes and shook one out putting it between his lips. Replacing the pack, he produced one of those colorful, disposable plastic lighters and flicked it with his thumb. I watched him, and although I wasn’t a fan of smokers at all, I had to say, there was something both attractive and appealing about watching Cell light his cigarette. I don’t know if it was the surety and confidence, but just watching him go through the motions… despite his attitude, he was one seriously attractive man.

“You won’t be sorry if you do it you know.” His voice was strained with how he held the smoke in his lungs and he blew up and out towards the sky, letting out a plume of smoke to the free, clean, air.

I twisted my lips and didn’t say anything, but I couldn’t help but think to myself about how much Cell reminded me of a little boy who ripped the wings off of flies. He held a streak of cruelty. I’d seen it, in the way he talked to and treated Blue… I was afraid of that cruelty turning on me, I knew it would. Knew it down to my very soul that to get involved with Cell meant accepting some measure of pain.

My eyes drifted away from him and back to Blue. He was the real reason I even entertained this foolish notion in the first place. Something about him called to me on a deep level, I was just afraid to pick up the line.

I’d been hurt so many times before, so often… It was true, I made terrible choices when it came to men. Wore my heart on my sleeve and gave of it too freely, receiving nothing in return. I was always some kind of stepping stone for the men in the relationships I’d been in before. Giving my all only to have them leave and move on to the next big thing. Sometimes moving on to the next big thing before they’d even gotten out my door.

I was so very afraid of the same thing happening here. I mean, what if I fell hopelessly in love with one or the other of them, only to find out I was just another conquest? Another notch on the bedpost? I just didn’t know if I could go through that yet again.

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