Page 51 of Between Brothers

It was uncomfortable. He was too big. A moment of panic, the word to stop everything on the tip of my tongue, and he stopped moving. His voice pleased and filled with ecstasy as he said, “Aw, yeah baby. That’s it. I’m all the way in. Just stop, relax… that’s it.”

We were still for a minute, my chest heaving, and then he began to move, slowly at first, and oh, my, god… I gripped the sheets in my fists and held still, letting him do whatever he wanted because this? As taboo as it might be, this wasamazing.

“Oh, god, oh yeah, oh yeah, oh fuck yeah!” he panted, stroking in and out of me at an even and regular pace. The slight burning from the unfamiliar stretching swamped by the pulsing and twitching deep inside my vagina that I could only label as an orgasm, although quite different from the ones I was becoming accustomed to.

He jerked, and thrust deep and the suddenness of it made me jump and was slightly uncomfortable but his grinding against me felt so damn good, his twitching deep inside the unfamiliar channel felt unreal and I almost, almost didn’t want it to end.

When he pulled out I just naturally folded down to the mattress. My body trembling, skin dewed with sweat but strangely chilled. The afterglow strong and the euphoria bearing me away. Cell stood up and got rid of the condom, vaulting my body to lay on his back on the other side of me, but not touching.

“How long were we like that?” I asked, panting lying on my back. My knees ached and my wrists were sore from having been in the same position holding most of my weight for so long.

He glanced at the bedside clock and said, “Shit, a couple of hours at least.”

I laughed a bit and sighed; saying, “Wow.”

“Yeah, that about sums it up,” he agreed. I rolled onto my side in his direction and moved my hair, tucking myself into his side.

Just before I laid my head on his shoulder he asked, “What are you doing?”

I froze. “Um, getting close to you?” I pushed myself up more onto my hands and he was laying, half holding himself up by his core alone, his hands up and out to the side as if avoiding something unpleasant.

“Yeah, I’m not like Blue when it comes to that, you want cuddles and shit, you go down the hall to his room.”

“What?” I asked, voice hollow and uneven, not believing what I’d just heard.

“Did I stutter?”

I pushed back and sat up completely. He was dead serious. I swallowed hard and got off the bed.

“You’re serious.”

“Always.”

“But I – ”

“But nothing, throw on some clothes and head that way, because you’re not going to get it from me; that’s totally Blue’s department.”

I was shocked. I couldn’t believe this was happening. Humiliation burned my face and tears pressed at the backs of my eyes. I gathered up my clothes and put them on and he flipped on the TV, completely unconcerned. I pulled my coat down from the hook and he hadn’t even said a word. I opened the door, and he raised a hand in a half assed wave goodbye and the tears that’d until now just pricked the backs of my eyes, spilled out. A maelstrom of emotion took over, too many to count. Confusion, hurt, anger, heartbreak, humiliation, embarrassment… so many all at once, overwhelming me, swamping me, the sadness dragging me under and rolling me.

I stumbled out the door furthest from the back door of the club and sucked in a deep breath of frigid air. I didn’t want anyone seeing me make this walk of shame, which is precisely what it was, and so I took the long way around the track and down the driveway. I looked both ways. I wasn’t thinking, I mean, I should have driven but my car was at home. I struggled into my purse, cross ways over my chest, my bulky coat and scarf not exactly conducive to getting it on and struck out in the direction of home. I would walk. It might take me all night, but it was better than the alternative.

I stayed on the shoulder, as close to the grass and as far from the lane of traffic as possible, even though it was quiet out here. Not a soul else travelling in either direction. I wiped at my eyes and sniffed, keeping my hands buried in my pockets for the most part when the sound of a bike reached my ears.

I didn’t want to face anyone, I really didn’t so the sound made me cringe. Blue pulled up beside me and yelled over the motor, “Hayley, what are you doing!?”

“I’m going home!” I cried.

I think he swore, reaching out and grabbing my arm I turned and his face was barely suppressed rage.

“What did he do?” he demanded, and I realized he wasn’t angry with me.

“I just want to go home,” I moaned and he nodded.

“Come on, get on. I’ll take you straight there.”

I crumbled a bit, wanting desperately to be left alone but at the same time desperately wanting to go home to my studio, my own space where it was safe and I could go back to being unrecognizable by the world at large.

How could I have been so stupid?

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