Page 37 of A Brother At My Back

“I asked him,” I said shortly, suddenly angry and feeling pretty betrayed. “I asked Dragon, and he asked Nik. I went to them and asked for their help. I need them to watch my back and here you are, my best friend, and what do you do?” I demanded, thinking to myself you stand there and put a knife in it.

“This is why I didn’t tell you!” she said, exasperated. “I knew you’d be upset. You know I like Coop; that I have since like forever. Honestly, I figured it would be a good idea! That I might be able to find out what Silas is thinking or if he really is up to something. I wasn’t going to tell Cooper anything! I’m not going to tell him anything. I already told him that you are strictly off-limits as a topic of conversation.”

I shifted from foot to foot and shook my head. “Now isn’t the time to play super-secret double-agent spy, Lia. Seriously. Leave it alone, don’t go. Come with us instead.” I could tell by the look on her face that she was going to be stubborn. She had the idea in her head and she was going to do what she was going to do. I hated how it sounded like I was begging when I asked her to come with us instead of meeting up with her long-time, one-time crush, but I couldn’t tell you how desperate I was for her not to do this to me.

“It’s gonna be fine,” she said and she was already walking backward away from me. Emotions churned up from somewhere in my center and I jumped when Nik’s hands fell on my shoulders, kneading them reassuringly.

“Lia,” I called out and she waved and went around to the driver’s side of her car.

“Let it go, she’s a stubborn sort.”

“Don’t I know it?” I asked, unease raking its claws down my insides.

I trusted that she wasn’t going to say anything about me, at least not intentionally, but this was a dangerous game. One that I could potentially lose even though I didn’t even want to play.

Nik sighed as she drove past us out of the lot, waving through her window, her face set in stubborn lines that were only accentuated by her worry. She was worried that she was hurting our friendship, which she was, but I was worried for a completely different reason. Cooper was Silas’ best friend. He also knew that Delia had a crush on him, so he was likely working her for information.

My poor, much-loved but totally-being-an-idiot friend was trapped between her libido and her loyalty, and I knew that she had nothing but the best of intentions… but Jesus! Who was being the naive one, now? It certainly wasn’t me.

God, what a mess.

“She’s playing with fire, that one,” Nik remarked, and I loved that his voice held a similar worry for my friend that I was feeling.

“I know,” I said, and the frustration was a palpable thing, rising to choke me. I sniffed and tried to pretend it had nothing to do with the warring emotions in my heart and head but rather had everything to do with the frosty winter air.

“Let’s get you home,” he murmured and I realized that without knowing exactly what Delia was doing, I didn’t really want to go home. I knew she had my back, she’d always had my back, but the ‘what if’s’ were dogging me hard and I would be lying if I said I wasn’t just a little bit worried about what if she slipped… what if she said something without meaning to?

“Your home or mine?” I asked, staring off, after where her taillights had faded into the dark.

“Mine, if you’d like, or the club. Anyplace that’s warmer than out here.” His voice was gentle, and I felt the tension in my shoulders ease.

“Kind of can’t wait to learn more about that self-defense stuff.”

“Tomorrow we teach you to shoot,” he reminded and I turned with a sigh. I didn’t know how I felt about the whole ‘guns’ thing. Bitterness and anger aside, I was a lover, not a fighter and I hated that Silas was making me turn to violence as a solution, but sometimes, just sometimes, it was the only one. The practical part of me recognized that, even if I didn’t like it.

“Your place, if that’s okay.” I searched his face and took a half breath before letting it out. I had been about to ask if I could use his bathtub, but I tended not to ask things for myself anymore. I got too used to ‘no’ from both the way I was raised and Silas to the point I still had a hard time asking for anything.

I think Nik knew that about me, though. His face split into a broad smile as he said, “Go on, ask it.”

“Ask what?” I tried playing it cool.

“It was all over your face, Wahine. Ask me what you were gonna ask me, don’t ever be afraid of asking me for anything.”

“What’s the worst that could happen?” I agreed, “You could say ‘no?’”

“Too right,” he nodded and sat down on his bike, waiting me out, breath pluming the frigid air.

“I was wondering if you’d let me use your bathtub, my apartment doesn’t have one, just a shower.”

He nodded. “Sounds like a good idea; you need to relax. Come on, let’s go.”

“Thanks,” I murmured but I couldn’t be sure he heard me over the bike starting up. I made sure my bag was secure across my chest and got on behind him. The air was so icy I tended to bury my face in his back in an effort to hide from the wind. He stopped at the twenty-four-hour pharmacy on the way to his place and ran in real quick while I stared at my phone in the parking lot, shivering and trying to decide what, if anything, I should text to Lia. I finally decided there wasn’t anything I could say that wouldn’t make her angry or upset her and as much as I loved her, my trust in her was more than a bit broken right now. The ‘what if’s’ were whispering some pretty awful things from their dark corner of my mind.

If you text her, what if it makes her angry? What if she ratted you out? What if she’s sick of you and doing things for you all the time? What if, what if, what if…

The mechanical tones of the doorbell went off signaling Nik’s return. He came over to me and asked, “Put this in your bag for the ride, yeah?” and held up a rather doubled up grocery bag with red 'thank you’ lettering on it.

“Yes, of course,” I said swinging my gym bag around and unzipping the top. He shoved the bag of items away and zipped it closed and got back onto the bike in front of me.

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