Page 83 of Stoker's Serenity

“Do I?” I asked finally, frowning, not wanting to believe it, worried I had been doing something off-putting.

“Every time,” he affirmed, hugging me close, pressing a kiss to the top of my head.

“I didn’t realize I was doing that,” I said, honestly.

“Why do you think you do?” he asked, and it deserved an answer. He deserved everything just for staying with me.

“Control, maybe?” I hazarded a guess.

“Interesting conclusion,” he said, and sniffed, clearing his throat. “Why’d you land on that one?”

“I don’t know,” I answered, but I think, at least instinctively, I did. “Maybe because I don’t feel like I really have much. Or, I really haven’t had much. I mean… I don’t know!” I laughed nervously.

“No, that’s good,” he said. “If you’re uncomfortable and don’t want to confront the reason why, that means you’re on to something.”

“You think so?”

“I do.” He nodded, I could feel it in the way he shifted beneath me.

“Do I really ask every time?” I asked again.

“You do.”

“Does it bother you?”

“Sometimes. I mean, only insofar as it doesn’t feel like you trust me.”

I sat up sharply and looked down at him, my eyes boring into his.

“I do trust you,” I told him. “Implicitly.”

He brought up his hand to caress the side of my face and smiled, brushing his thumb lightly over my lips.

“I, maybe, needed to hear that,” he whispered, with a slight smile that bespoke a vulnerability of his own.

“I trust you,” I told him again. “Please, don’t ever think that I don’t.”

“No offense meant, baby. No disrespect. I can’t really expect you to share how you feel, what you think, with me if I don’t open up first.”

I shook my head, “I trust you,” I repeated. “I love you… I guess I’m just scared. Sharing my feelings… what I think? I guess it’s never really gone over well in the past, and it’s just my natural default to keep it to myself.”

His eyes left mine and roved over my face as if he were memorizing every bit of it. Like he’d stepped into theLouvreand was gazing upon a piece crafted by one of the masters. The defenses that had started to go up around my heart at his probing questions softened and backed down with that look.

“You can tell me anything, Orchid. I promise to not judge. I promise to listen as best I can. To help you however I can.”

“That means a lot,” I whispered.

“You mean everything,” he whispered back and I dropped my forehead carefully to his, wrapped in the comfort and security of this moment.

“I’ve never talked about Kyle. To anyone. Not even Linny,” I whispered.

“You loved him,” Stoker said matter-of-factly. “His death hurt you, deeply. I can’t imagine what you went through, seeing him die like that.”

I dropped my eyes to his chin, not wanting to look him in the eyes when I made my confession.

“I still love him, at least, a part of me does. I still loved him despite what he did. I know he’s a monster, so loving him even after he killed all of those people, for me… what does that make me?”

He tipped my chin and my eyes flicked to his. “A better fucking person than the rest of the human stain on this fucking planet, babe. To love unconditionally like that is a rare feat. It makes you strong, not weak. It makes you an unbelievably amazing woman.”

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