Page 17 of Marlin's Faith

I couldn’t believe I was spillin’ my guts to this chick, a total stranger, apaying customeron my boat. I was a little startled to realize just how far down the rabbit hole I’d gone when it came to Faith. Just how far fuckin’ gone I’d been right from the beginning; from the moment I’d lifted her too-thin frame up into my arms, and carried her out of that house of fuckin’ horrors back in New Orleans.

Karen sat up straighter and wrapped her fingers around one knee, very prim and proper. I had to give it to her, she didn’t flinch; instead, you could visibly see the gears in her pretty little head turning, her blue eyes sparking with intelligence.

“Right, you said that you’re getting Faith some help, right?” She searched my face to make sure I wasn’t blowing smoke up her ass. I liked her for that.

“Yeah, her sister found some doctor that specializes in cases like Faith. Some woman who’s like top in her field. I take Faith out to see her tomorrow.”

“Okay, obviously there isn’t really anything I could, or should be doing there, seeing as I am both still in school and unlicensed. I shouldn’t even really be talking to you aboutyou,” she frowned but it wasn’t at me, more like at the situation. “In all honesty, I think you need to find someone to talk to or lean on yourself. Doesn’t have to be a professional, but being on the front line, or a first responder to something like this takes its toll.” I nodded.

“I got my brothers.” Cutter’d told me if I needed someone to reach out to, he’d be there. I knew I could depend on him, or any one of the guys if I really needed to. I guess I just wanted an opinion from the outside. Somethin’ a little more removed from the situation and here she was, all trained and shit. Well, mostly trained. The Universe provides, all you had to do was be willing to accept what it had on offer.

Karen nodded after several moments of reluctant silence, we both turned as Kristen let out a peal of laughter at something my brother said. Johnny caught my eye and the murder in his said he’d overheard some of what Karen and I were talkin’ about, and that he wasn’t happy. Well, fuck him, I wasn’t happy either. The onlyrealconcern I had right now was how to do right by Faith.

Karen gave me an appraising look and sucked in a breath, “Let’s go back,” she said, “I want to ask you a question.”

“Shoot.”

“Why the iPod? What was your thought process in buying it?”

I sniffed, “Faith told me she liked a particular song that’d play on the radio sometimes back when…” I skipped over it and kept going, “Anyways, we’ve had to take her out a couple times and it hasn’t gone well. She has these freak outs, gets all traumatized and freezes up and sh-“ I caught myself again.

“And the iPod?” Karen pressed.

“I figured she could use it, you know? Plug the music into her ears and give her something else to concentrate on. Drown some of the other people around out.

“A coping mechanism.”

“Yeah.”

Karen’s mouth turned down and she nodded her head thoughtfully, “It’s a good idea. Something dependable that isn’t bad for you. I think it was a really good, really thoughtful, idea.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, I’d say you’re on the right track. It can, and will, be a good tool to help ease her back into things. What else are you worried about?”

We talked, for a good long while. Kristen got a bite, and Johnny helped her reel in a red grouper. Enough for a meal for two, so that wasn’t bad and seemed to satisfy her enough that she’d caught something before the boys, that she didn’t feel the need to keep fishin’. She got her picture with it and I got the hook out of its mouth. I was about to toss it in the cooler when she squealed in protest. We weren’t exactly a catch and release outfit, but she and her boys were the ones payin’ so fuck it.

“Your lucky day, Man,” I told the fish and leaned way over the side and let him go.

As I watched his tail wave back and forth, and his reddish brown body disappear into the blue, I couldn’t help but wonder if this would somehow become a metaphor for my deal with Faith. Would she get better, wander off, and that’d be it? I’d never thought about what was supposed to happenafter, you know? What cameafterall the therapy and recovery, when she was as put back together as she would ever be?

The universe provides, alright. The rest of the trip, we didn’t catch shit. Their four hours were up and I got us turned around and headed back to the marina. I talked more with Karen, who was a smart girl with a good head on her shoulders and by all accounts, a heart made out of solid gold. Her and her man both, judging by the charity case his jackass buddy Doug, was.

One of the things I liked about my business was the people I met. There was somebody new on these decks just about every trip out; this trip had been no exception. I felt better, more right about some of the choices I’d made regarding my involvement in Faith’s recovery. Of course, there was some advice I knew was coming, didn’t wanna hear, and was pretty much choking on, but I knew I needed to hear some of the hard truths. Maybe if I’d heard ‘em, or been more receptive to ‘em when Danny’d been alive, I would have been more understanding. Maybe I would’ve been more patient, and maybe, as a result, Danny’d be less dead.

Kevin, Doug, Kristen, and Karen left all smiles after I’d backed the Scarlett Ann into her slip. I set about alongside Johnny in silence, going about the general cleanup. He was loading the rods back into the rocket launcher, which was basically a rack of tubes designed to hold and protect the rods when they weren’t in use when he finally spoke up, but it wasn’t with a fuckin’ apology.

“You’ve seriously been blowing off our business for the last two weeks over some junkie fuckingwhore?” he demanded and I froze.Oh, hell no he didn’t.I straightened and turned around slowly to meet his accusing stare.

“Johnny,” I drawled quietly, and watched the uncertainty slide behind his eyes, “You’re my brother, and blood is thicker ’n anything else, but you haven’t met Faith, you don’t know the half of what’s been goin’ on. Quite frankly, it ain’t none of your fuckin’ business either. Now, you got about two seconds to make some sort of apology before I beat the motherfuckin’ brakes off you. You get me?”

We stared each other down for several moments and when no apology came, I lunged forward, catching my brother around the middle. We crashed to the deck and I reared up, bringing my fist crashing down into his face.

He swore and swung back, boxing me in my fuckin’ ear which hurt like a mother and left it ringing. Wouldn’t be the fuckin’ first time though.

“I said fuckin’ apologize!”

“Fuck you, Man! You should be apologizin’ to me! I got a fuckin’ family to feed.” We grappled, and it wasn’t my best game, but there wasn’t much space to work with here on the aft deck with the butt seats and fighting chair. Even less when you factored in the two deck chairs and the small table with the electronics sitting on it.

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