Page 24 of Marlin's Faith

I didn’t speak; I didn’t know what to say. Finally Hope narrowed her dark eyes and asked, “Did he do something to you?”

“No!”

“Then where were you all last night?”

“We went for a ride.” I stared at my sister and her mouth thinned down into that hard assed line, “I’m serious, we went for a ride and we stopped and we were watching the stars and we fell asleep. I swear, that’s all.”

Her shoulders dropped and she sighed out, “Let me guess, you’re feeling like you’re fourteen…”

“And just like when you caught me making out with Ray Tanzer in the back seat of his Mustang.” I muttered dejectedly.

“But you’re not fourteen anymore.”

“No, I’m not.”

She sighed, “I’m sorry, Bubbles.”

“Me, too.” I said softly.

“What are you sorry for?” she asked, face scrunching in confusion.

“That I’m such a pain in your ass, and for doing the wrong thing like all the time, I really don’t mean to, Hope! I just…”

“You like him, huh?” she asked and there wasn’t anything hard or accusatory in her voice; just soft resignation.

I looked up from my feet where my gaze had affixed itself and felt a little nauseous at the look of pity on my sister’s face.

“It doesn’t matter,” I said softly, “No one is going to be interested in an ex-junkie whore.”

“Faith!” Hope barked sharply.

“Don’t ‘Faith’ me, Hope! Look, I don’t want to talk about it anymore, I just want to call Charity. She needs to know.” I stared my sister in the face and she wilted a little.

“Needs to know, what?”

“That I love her, and I miss her, and that I’m not okay but I’m going to try, really hard, to get better. I just want to have the time to do that before she comes down here. I don’t want her thinking that I don’t love and care about her, I don’t want you to think that either, I just have a lot to deal with and nobody can help me do it. I just have to do it on my own. Nobody can help me but me with a lot of this.”

“Sounds like you and Doctor Sheindland had a good talk today.”

“I have a lot to think about,” I agreed. Hope nodded and pulled me into a tight hug.

“Here for whatever you need, Bubs.”

“Thanks, Buttercup.” I sniffed, eyes welling hot and hugged my sister back.

She reached into her back pocket and dialed her phone, handing it to me.

“Hope, how’s Faith, does she want to talk to me yet?” my little sister answered by way of greeting.

“I never didn’t want to talk to you, Charity.” I said sniffing and sank into one of the chairs at the large dining room table, where Hope and I had ended up. Hope went into the kitchen and poured a glass of water from the tap and brought it over along with a paper towel.

Silence greeted me on the other end of the phone and finally a muffled sob came through, “Are you okay?” Charity asked and I breathed in deep through my nose and out through my mouth and did what the doctor had told me, I didn’t minimize it. I didn’t lie and say I was fine, I did what I was told and confronted what had happened to me, head on.

“No, I’m not. I’m really not, Baby Sis,” and then I took it one step further, I took a little piece of myself back from those bastards and gave it to my sisters. I looked at Hope, and I looked over, past the stairs at Marlin and Cutter coming through the door. I met Marlin’s sky blue eyes and told Charity, “But I’m going to be.”

13

Marlin…

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