Page 35 of Marlin's Faith

I know he watched me. He was always watching, it seemed. There were nights I woke up screaming and after Hope and Cutter had gone from my new, smaller and more comfortable room, I would sit by the window. I could see him smoking, the orange glow from his cigarette unmistakable, despite how he parked under the shadows beneath the trees at the start of the drive. You would think I would find it creepy, or overbearing, but it was neither of those things. Not from him, not from Marlin.

I also knew my sister and Cutter filled him in regularly on my progress, and he still drove me to my appointments with Dr. Shiendland. I had put up a fuss. They didn’t need to know the tears were of relief, rather than anger. I liked riding with Marlin. The wind and the sound of the engine drowned everything out into a comforting blur and hum of sight and sound that had quite the lulling effect. Everything was simple on the back of the bike. Everything was about being in tune with the man in front of me and the machine beneath me. I could appreciate the simple complexity of it all coming together until my mind was a pleasant, quiet space… at least until Dr. Shiendland went digging around in it. But that was what the trip back was for. Just enough to get me through until I could stand in the water where the sand met the sea. Until the water could wash all my horrible sins out to the depths and I could find my calm again.

The tranquility of the ride and of standing at the water’s edge had replaced the drugs. It was my new, much less effective, high. Bar none, it was far better for me, both body and soul.

I made my way back up the beach and accepted a plate of food from the club’s prospect. My sister, Hope, had explained it to me, and Hossler too, but I still found it to be confusing. It was almost barbaric in a way, how simplistic these men led their lives, but in that simplicity there was such beauty too. It was far less confusing when you knew your place, and almost familiar in a way. The structure, I mean. It wasn’t threatening, but knowing your role and what was expected of you was… refreshing. I was sick and tired of the unknown.

“Hey, Girl! Have a sit.” I sat down between Hossler and an abandoned guitar.

“Who plays?” I asked quietly but before Hossler could answer, Marlin took the seat.

We ate quietly, the sun dipping ever lower until it vanished below the horizon. I didn’t see the green flash that Cutter had pointed out to me one night, but I was probably at the wrong angle for it.

The fires were lit and starting to catch, and Hossler turned to Marlin, “Play something for us,” she urged and he smiled at me. I got up and went over to my sister who was laughing in Cutter’s arms when the first notes ofHope Never Dies,drifted over the fire. I froze and turned, standing slowly, making eye contact with Marlin over the flames. When he opened his mouth and started to sing. It was like I couldn’t move, like I was just frozen in place. I couldn’t be sure, my eyes glued to Marlin as they were, but I think my sister was smiling.

I felt the sting of tears as my favorite song drifted to me, in that voice that had comforted me, cheered me, as the man who had seen me at nothing but my worst sang it to me. I was overwhelmed, overjoyed, and at the same time felt myself sink into one of my lowest lows all at once. I couldn’t believe he had learned the song. That he sat there singing it to me in front of all these people like he hadn’t just cracked open my chest in front of them all and touched the deepest, most private parts of me.

I turned and went for the water. It was too much, just too intimate in front of so many witnesses. My, god. I was just soconfused.

“Hey, whoa! Easy!” I’d accidentally crashed into the same man from earlier, the one with the Frisbee.

“I’m so sorry!” I cried.

“Hey, it’s nothing. My name is Brent, what’s yours?”

“I’m sorry?” I shook off the heavy moment before and focused on him in the light from their fire.

“I could always call you ‘girl with the eyes’ but I was hoping for your name,” he said gently.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” I laughed, “Faith. My name is Faith.”

“It’s nice to meet you, Faith. Now, where’s the fire at?” he smiled, and it was charming and normal and carried none of the so serious weight of Marlin’s gaze which for the first time felt oppressive rather than protective. I touched the band around my wrist and thought of the boy, back in New Orleans. Brent’s smile was a lot like his. Open and friendly, care free and innocent.

Desperate to lighten my mood I laughed and waved out over the fires dotting the beach, “Take your pick…” He laughed too and we began to talk.

“Now, you’re way too pretty to be apologizing for everything, what’s eating you?”

“Oh, nothing… Where are you from?” I tried. He flashed a smile, teeth very straight and white in the shifting firelight.

“Maryland originally, but I’m down here for spring break. I go to college in Indiana. It’s my last year and I’ve been in serious need of blowing off some steam. Some fun, sun and relaxation. What about you?”

I scrambled around for an answer and Hope flashed into my mind, “Visiting my sister, she’s back that way.” I smiled and hoped he didn’t pry too deeply and as luck would have it, he didn’t.

“She as pretty as you?” he asked and winked and I hugged myself and laughed.

“Prettier, she’s also got a boyfriend… not that she’d need him to come to her defense.” I rolled my eyes. No, Hope was perfectly capable of taking care of herself and everyone around her. She always had been, even before our mom had gotten sick. I kept the sigh that wanted out under wraps and smiled with false brightness.

Brent smiled, “Feel like hanging for a bit, Faith?” he asked and I smiled, nodding. I was maybe two fires down the beach, closer to the water. I looked back over my shoulder and could see Marlin, still plucking the strings of his guitar, his eyes seeking me out in the darkness. His gaze wrapped around me and even though I was still rattled, I felt that familiar sense that no matter what, if I fell that safety net was there to catch me.

“Sure, I’d like that,” I murmured and my fingers went back to the leather wrist band the boy had given me. Dr. Shiendland had told me the boy’s last message to me was an important one not to give up on.

Not everyone is a dick, you have to believe that there are some good people still out there. Even if I’m not one of the best, I try not to be one of the worst.

“Great,” Brent was saying, “Let me get you a drink…” I smiled at him again and attempted to wear my knowledge like invisible armor. The knowledge that none of these people knew me from Adam, none of them knew what I had been or about the drugs, none of them figured me for anything but a normal girl here to visit my sister.

“Sure,” I nodded and smiled, Brent was handsome in his own way. He carried none of the rugged look that Marlin did. Instead, he was a clean cut and athletic type of strong. It would have been appealing to the ‘me’ of three years ago, but now… I glanced back again to the gathering around the fire and strained my ears to catch some errant notes from Marlin’s guitar over the mini sound system that the college boys had set up.

Brent returned with an iconic red Solo cup in each hand and handed me one of them. I smiled and sipped the cold drink in mine. It tasted strongly of pineapple and coconut with a slightly salty finish which was strange.

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